


Peeling Away the Masks

by phyl29



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Sexual content in chapter 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-03-17 05:01:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18958405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phyl29/pseuds/phyl29
Summary: Sylvia and Chris get to know each other as they pull back the masks of stoic Captain and nervous Ensign.This story begins the night immediately after the events of Brother (Season 2, Episode 1) and continues through Season 2 and potentially beyond.





	1. A Nocturnal Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve made the age difference between Pike and Tilly to be 15 years. I've written Pike as 43 years old during S2 of Discovery and I've written Tilly as 29 years old (closer to the real age of Mary Wiseman). 
> 
> This will eventually go AU in terms of the Tilly/Pike relationship. It also goes slightly AU in showing Tilly more explicitly trying to appear less nervous and frenetic.

Ensign Sylvia Tilly tossed and turned in her bed, unable to sleep.  She opened her eyes and squinted at the bedside clock.   1:40 am.  Great!  She was going to be completely exhausted during her shift tomorrow.

She turned over yet again, freezing momentarily when she heard Michael shift in her sleep.  The last thing she wanted to do was wake up her roommate.  Even though Michael claimed she was fine (as if she would ever say otherwise), she had suffered a nasty injury on that asteroid.  Being startled awake by a restless roommate would not help her recuperate!

She tried to lay quietly in place and force herself to fall asleep.  Unfortunately, her mind didn’t cooperate.  Instead, it kept replaying that scene with the captain on the bridge.  Like a video on an endless loop.

Did she really compliment him on his beautiful nail beds?  Did she really babble on about how the pinky wasn’t an authoritative finger?  Oh my god!  Could she have possibly been more geeky and awkward.

Sure, Captain Pike was downright gorgeous.  That was still no reason for her to act like a gawking fangirl rather than like a Starfleet ensign, especially one who was supposed to be on the Command track.

Even though the Captain was nice about it (and those dimples of his should be classified as an offensive weapon), he must have thought she was a total idiot!

Sylvia decided that sleep was a lost cause.  Perhaps if she walked around for a bit, it might clear her head.  She grabbed her casual pants and sweatshirt from a nearby chair, slipped into the loafers by her bed and quietly left the room. 

There was no question about her destination.  Early in her time onboard Discovery, she had been doing maintenance on Jefferies Tube 132.  When she popped out of the tube, she had found herself in a corridor that opened to a window under the starboard nacelle.  It provided an incredible view of the front path of Discovery.   Since the corridor only housed maintenance equipment, it was not frequently travelled and thus was a great spot for some private star gazing, especially when she needed solitude to gain control over her emotions. 

She took deep calming breaths as she looked out the window.  Right now, her view was of the Enterprise, waiting to be towed back to Space Dock.  Unfortunately, the sight of Starfleet’s flagship just reminded her of Captain Pike and the fool she had made of herself earlier that day. 

She was trying so hard not to ramble on like an idiot.  She knew it was annoying to her shipmates and that it made people not take her seriously.  But perversely, the more she tried to control her ramblings, the worse they got.  It was like trying to hug Jello.  The harder you squeezed it, the more it popped out in undesirable places. 

A tear rolled down her face as she imagined the disapproving voice of her mother saying she needed to try harder and not be such a disappointment. 

Sylvia was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she jumped when she heard a voice ask, “Are you okay Ensign?”

She turned around to come face to face with Captain Pike.  Like her, he was in casual sweats, which unfortunately just made him even more handsome (if that was even possible).  Really.  Of all the people on the ship to find her brooding, it had to be him. 

She quietly replied, “I’m fine, thank you.”

\---------------

Chris had been expecting to find a spot where he could stare out the window and be alone with his thoughts, of course while keeping an eye on his precious Enterprise.  _(He had asked the onboard computer for a lightly used forward facing viewing bridge, and it had highlighted this specific location.  Obviously, lightly used didn’t mean never used.)_

He thought about quietly leaving but it was obvious that Ensign Tilly was upset.  He hated walking away instead of trying to help.

He softly repeated his question.  “I don’t mean to intrude but usually when people are fine, they don’t have tears running down their cheeks.  Are you okay?”  He tried to appear nonjudgmental and supportive to make Tilly feel comfortable, especially since he had obviously startled her out of some deep and brooding thoughts.

Tilly took a deep breath before speaking.  “I was just thinking about how I should apologize to you for acting like such an idiot on the bridge earlier today.”

Chris tried to make her feel better “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“Thank you for being so nice sir, but I think we can both agree that I rambled on like an idiot when taking your fingerprints.”

Chris leaned up against the wall next to the window, since this was going to be a longer conversation.  “First of all, since it’s the middle of the night and neither of us are in uniform, it’s Chris, not sir and not Captain.”

“And I repeat, there is nothing to apologize for.  All you did was complement my nail beds.  And I agree.  The pinky is definitely not an authoritative finger!”

He was gratified to see a small smile starting to emerge on Tilly’s face.  He continued a bit more seriously.  “I know this is a stressful situation for everyone, especially with how your last captain betrayed all of you.  I also remember what it was like to be a young junior officer, and I didn’t have to deal with even half of what this crew went through.”

Sylvia shook her head.  “Thanks for letting me off the hook…but I’m not as young as you probably think I am.  I just turned 29 years old.”

“You’re right.  That’s absolutely ancient!”  Chris responded with a laugh and was happy to see a real smile from Sylvia. 

What Chris didn’t show was how relieved he was to hear that Sylvia was a bit older than he had originally thought.  It made him feel a little less like a skeevy old man for admiring her physical attributes.  While he would never disrespect her in any way, he wasn’t blind and couldn’t help but appreciate her curvy body and beautiful red curls.

He tried to banish those inappropriate thoughts from his head and focus back on the conversation.

“While my behavior may not have bothered you today, I expect you’ll feel differently when you ask me an urgent question on the bridge, and I babble out my response”.

Sylvia paused to collect her thoughts.  “I know that I need to stop this behavior, since it annoys my colleagues and makes them not take me seriously.  My worst fear is that it could make me slow to respond in an emergency and somebody could get hurt because of it.”  Her voice broke “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened.  But the harder I try to control my ramblings, the worse they seem to get!”

Chris ached to take Sylvia in his arms and give her a comforting hug but knew that would be highly inappropriate.  So instead, he had to settle for words of comfort.  “I get it.  I’ve had my own bad habits over the years that I’ve had to deal with.  And I agree with you.  When trying to change an ingrained habit, sheer effort doesn’t necessarily yield the desired result.”

“Exactly!” she said, apparently excited that he got it.  “It’s like trying to hug Jello!”

Chris couldn’t help but grin.  While he agreed that Sylvia needed to consistently adopt a more professional demeanor, he loved her infectious enthusiasm and hoped she never lost that quality.  “I haven’t had an opportunity to meet the Discovery’s Counselor yet, but he or she should be able to help you break this habit”.

“Who?”  Sylvia sked with a puzzled expression on her face.  “I mean, I know what a ship’s Counselor does, but I thought they were only for the largest ships.  There isn’t one on Discovery.”

Now Chris had the bewildered look on his face.  “Every Starfleet ship– no matter how big or small – should have an assigned Counselor.  That is considered even more important during war time and other periods of high stress.”

“Well, there’s never been one on Discovery.  At least not in the few years that I’ve served aboard her.”

“That’s going to change.”   He continued to be amazed at all the different ways that Lorca had traumatized this crew and how resilient and positive they were despite it.  He wanted to do everything he could to help them heal.

\--------------------------

They both stared out the window for a minute, transfixed by the view of the Enterprise hanging in space. 

“I’m sorry about the loss of Lieutenant Connolly.”  Sylvia hated to disturb the tranquility with such a morbid reminder but felt bad that nobody had really acknowledged Connolly’s death.  While that was partially understandable given everything going on with the rescue of the Hiawatha crew and the capturing of the Asteroid, it wasn’t right.  Even if Connolly died due to his own arrogance, he was a Starfleet officer and deserved to be mourned and respected. 

“Had you served with him long?”

Sylvia watched the emotions play over Chris’s face, before the mask slipped back on.  She suspected the reason the Captain was walking the halls instead of sleeping wasn’t just because of his new assignment on Discovery but rather due to the tragic loss of someone under his command.

“Thank you.  And no, he had just recently transferred to Enterprise to temporarily fill the vacant Science Officer position.”  Sylvia nodded.  She knew that there has been a lot of officer and crew juggling, both during the war and since the peace accords.

Chris was quiet for a minute before softly continuing.  “Maybe if I had taken the time to forge a deeper relationship with the Lieutenant, he would have listened to me instead of thinking he knew better.  Or I would have known what to say to him to make him pay attention and ….”   His voice trailed off, almost as if he was speaking to himself.

“Sir.  I mean Chris.”

Chris looked up startled, almost like he had momentarily forgotten she was there.

“Not to overstep…but didn’t he not only disregard the advice from Michael who had a lot more experience with the landing pods.  He also disobeyed a direct order from you, his Captain.”

Chris nodded, which gave Sylvia the courage to continue.  “I’m not diminishing the tragedy of his death…and I know I’m overstepping here.  But in listening to what happened, it doesn’t seem like anything you – or anybody else – would have said would have made a bit of difference.  He thought he knew best and wouldn’t listen to anyone.”

Sylvia wanted to keep going on to make her point, but she instinctively knew that Chris needed time to digest what she was saying.  For once, she didn’t go on speaking (silent thanking Stamets for his advice) and just tried to be a supportive presence standing next to Chris.

She knew that was the right approach, when Chris finally looked up at her.  “Thank you.  You weren't overstepping.  I think I needed to hear those words.  I guess we all need someone to talk to at times.”

Sylvia nodded and turned to look back out the window.  There was a lot more she wanted to say but didn’t want to start babbling again.

\--------------

They stood companionably for a few minutes.  They both knew they should say good night and head back to their respective quarters, but neither were ready to leave quite just yet. 

Chris decided it was time to lighten the mood. 

He turned to Sylvia and asked with a smile on his face “So how does it feel to be the parent of a new branch of science?”

Sylvia laughed.  “Well that may be a bit of a stretch, but the asteroid is seriously cool.  Thanks for letting us capture it.  The opportunities it presents for scientific discovery are truly amazing, starting with the ability to interact with dark matter.”

“I’d love to pretend I know what that really means, but you are going past my admittedly limited expertise in this area.  After all, I didn’t earn that F in Astrophysics for nothing!”

“I’m sure that there’s a story behind that, especially given your otherwise unblemished record.”

“There is…but that’s a topic for another day.  Have you always been this passionate about science?” 

“Pretty much, to the eternal disappointment of my mother.  She hated that I was always tinkering with stuff and spending time in a lab.”

“Well, she must be proud of you now.  Especially being the youngest person to ever be accepted into the Command Training Program.”

Chris saw a cloud come over Sylvia’s normally sunny disposition as she snorted “Yeah, not so much.  She’s likely waiting for me to massively flame out in a spectacular wave of failure.”

Sylvia was contemplative for a minute before continuing.  “Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s hoping for.  For me to fail so badly that I’ll give up science and leave Starfleet and follow her like a dutiful daughter into the Diplomatic Corps.”

Sylvia shook her head.  “Sorry sir.  I’m sure this is the last thing you want to hear about’.   She started to babble “I know a lot of people have problems with their mothers.  Although, I shouldn’t say that.  Do all species even have mothers?  Does it count if the female lays an egg instead of giving birth?  You must wonder how that impacts the mother daughter dynamic.  You know…”

Chris watched as the words poured faster and faster out of Sylvia’s mouth.  While he wasn’t a therapist, it was easy to see that the topic of her mother’s disapproval, unmerited as it may be, was a massive trigger for Sylvia.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder to try to stop her midstream.  “It’s Chris, not sir.  And there’s nothing to apologize for.  I’ve enjoyed our conversation this evening.”  

As he spoke, he deployed his dimples for maximum effect.  As much as he liked to claim otherwise, he knew the effect his dimples had on others, and he wasn’t above strategically using them. 

He watched her take several deep breaths to regain her composure.  She bravely gave a small smile as she said “In case it’s not blatantly obvious, my mother is a huge trigger for me.  Thanks for listening.” 

“Thank you as well.  What you said about Connolly…it was helpful.”

Sylvia nodded and started to speak as a huge yawn escaped her.  “Sorry about that”

Chris laughed.  “No worries.  It’s probably a sign that both of us should probably get some rest”.

“Good night Chris.  Hope you get some sleep.”

“You too Sylvia.  Sweet dreams.”

Chris watch her turn around and head down the corridor.  Sylvia Tilly truly was beautiful, inside and out.  He enjoyed their conversation and the opportunity to get to know her, beyond the public persona of high potential, brilliant but nervous ensign.   In some ways, she was insightful beyond her years.  That is when she wasn’t being triggered by her mother’s disapproval. 

He didn’t get it.  What type of parent tears their child down and shreds their self confidence instead of building them up?

Sure, through the years, he’d had his share of disagreements with his parents, especially his dad.  But he had never doubted their pride in him and their unwavering support for his life decisions.

He shook his head and made a mental note to reach out to Kat first thing in the morning.  As an Admiral, she had the authority to assign a Counselor to Discovery, and as a former therapist, she could hopefully recommend someone that would be a good fit.  This wasn’t just for Sylvia.  Given everything the crew had been through, he was sure that they would all benefit from having a Counselor onboard.

With that action plan firm in his mind, he pushed back from the wall and walked back to his quarters, with his step a bit lighter and his mind open to new possibilities.


	2. Out of the Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is desperate for a distraction after the horrific visions shown to him on Boreth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of Episode 12 “Through the Valley of Shadows”. 
> 
> Killermanatee - I loved your story “Affirmation” and it was an inspiration to me as I wrote this chapter, even though I took our favorite characters in a somewhat different direction!

Chris wearily entered his quarters, feeling like he had aged decades since just that morning.  As the doors closed behind him, he breathed a sigh of relief.  He could finally let his mask slip and relinquish the tenuous control over his emotions. Since returning from Boreth, maintaining the persona of calm and even-tempered Captain Pike had been difficult.  Extremely difficult.

Like the rest of the crew, he was devastated at having to destroy Discovery.  Yet, the frenetic pace of preparatory activities over the past few hours had provided a very welcome distraction.

Now, alone in his cabin, his thoughts kept returning to those horrific images of his future.  He had ordered all Alpha crew to take 6 hours of down time to pack up their personal belongings and get some rest before rendezvousing with Enterprise.   For himself, however, he didn’t think sleep would be forthcoming that night. 

Those images of being horribly disfigured and in unimaginable pain really threw him.  He was ashamed about how freaked out he was.  He was a decorated Starfleet Captain who had faced death and serious injury too many times to count over his career.   Hell, he had almost died at least 4 times just in the past month while in command of Discovery, including that free fall into an Asteroid on his very first day.  So why was this so different?

Yes, the Klingon mysticism made it seem so real. So vivid.  Tenavik said he made his choice and “sealed his fate” by accepting the crystal.  Like he really _had_ a choice.  Taking the crystal didn’t make him a hero.  Far from it.  Anybody would have done the same.  Only a monster would risk the death of all sentient life in the galaxy just to avoid an unforeseen personal future. 

He looked around the room, desperate for a distraction.  Unfortunately, Lorca had left the Captain’s personal quarters about as comfortable and welcoming as the Ready room.  While he had refurbished the Ready room as a location to meet with his officers, he couldn’t justify renovating the Captain’s quarters just for his comfort, especially on a temporary assignment.  Thus, he was left with a lumpy couch, a spartan desk and a chair and a bed.  Not exactly a warm and cozy place to relax in.

His gaze settled on the bottle of whiskey that Phil had given him the day he left Enterprise.  He was tempted to pour himself a glass…or two…. or three.  But the image of drinking alone to drown his sorrows was even more depressing.

He needed to get out of that cabin before his thoughts turned completely morbid.

He knew where wanted to go and with whom he wanted to meet.  Ever since his first night on Discovery, he and Sylvia Tilly had frequently met in that deserted viewing bridge by Jefferies Tube 132, just to chat and wind down.

He kept telling himself that their encounters weren’t planned.  But they weren’t by accident either.  At least, not after that first night.

He rationalized that it wasn’t inappropriate.  After all, it was to the benefit of everyone on the ship if he could grab a few hours here and there where he could just be Chris rather than Captain Pike.  On the Enterprise, he had that camaraderie with Una and Phil.

Yes, given the difference in their ages and ranks, it was unorthodox that on Discovery his closest personal relationship was with Sylvia.  But that didn’t make it wrong.  He could provide a list of excuses why it was Sylvia that he turned to for companionship rather than Michael, or Spock, or Saru, or any of the others. But it would be just that.  Excuses. 

The reality was that he and Sylvia had forged a bond.  A connection.  He didn’t know whether it was because of her sunny disposition and upbeat personality.  Or her brilliant brain that had saved his ass on more than one occasion.  Or her kind and compassionate heart.  All he knew was then when he spent time with her off duty, he could truly be Chris rather than Captain Pike.  She saw through the mask he projected.  She “got” him – the man underneath.

Initially, their conversations had stayed confined to safe topics, like funny stories from the Academy, weirdest space experiences as well as favorite books and movies.  Lately, however, their discussions had become much more intimate, touching upon why they had joined Starfleet, past personal relationships and their respective hopes and dreams for the future.

If he was completely honest with himself, he was also physically attracted to Sylvia.  He had been since that first day on the bridge, and the attraction had only grown as they had become better acquainted.  He thought he had successfully kept it under wraps.   At least for the most part.  That is until yesterday.

He couldn’t help but smile as he thought of their discussion the prior evening.  It hadn’t started off well but ended with both admitting how they felt.

 

_Flashback to Prior Evening_

_As he approached their “private” viewing bridge, he could immediately tell that Sylvia was upset as she stood gazing out the window._

_As he stepped closer to her, he put a comforting hand on her shoulder.  “Hey.  What’s wrong?”_

_She turned and faced him.  She bravely tried to put a smile on her face “Oh nothing…other than my mother struck again.   This time she insulted my weight, my hair and entire appearance.”_

_Sylvia's expression turned thoughtful before continuing.  ‘Actually, would you mind doing me a favor and viewing her message to me?”_

_She went on to explain.  “My Counselor said that before reacting to anything my mother says or does, I should first take a deep breath and think it through.  I’m so used to being put down by her that I may be seeing insults where they don’t exist.  She suggested that I ask somebody I trust to review my mother’s communications from a more objective point of view.”_

_Chris was touched that Sylvia trusted him that implicitly, although he didn’t know how objective he could be.  “Sure.  Happy to help” as he reached for the PADD._

_Chris was aghast as he viewed the message.  There was no interpretation needed.  Siobhan Tilly was outright criticizing Sylvia’s appearance, going so far as to call her fat and slovenly.  Again, all done under the guise of “for her own good”.  He didn’t get it.  How could a parent do that to their child?_

_He knew that Sylvia was watching him intently, waiting for his reaction.  He looked up and tried to be reassuring as he said.  “Well, I guess the good news is that you’re not imagining things.”_

_“You mean she’s basically calling me a fat slob?”_

_Chris reluctantly nodded yes.  “Tell me, has she always had vision problems, or has she gone blind more recently?”_

_It took Sylvia a second to get it before she smiled.  “Thanks.  I appreciate the thought.”_

_"I’m serious.  Your mom is completely off base.  Speaking as a Starfleet captain, I can emphatically say that you would not be on active duty as an officer, let alone in the Command Training Program, if you didn’t meet the fitness requirements.  Also, you won the recent half marathon which just proves your fitness level.”_

_Sylvia nodded in response, although he could tell he wasn’t fully getting through to her.  So, he bravely continued, “And speaking as a man…”_

_That got her attention as she looked up and met his eyes._

_He took a deep breath, plunging ahead before he lost his nerve.  “Speaking as a man, I’ve been physically attracted to you since the first time we met.  I realize that I’m crossing a line here, a very sharp line.  But speaking as Chris to Sylvia, you’re gorgeous!  And my attraction to you has only increased as I’ve gotten to know you and seen how beautiful you are on the inside and outside._

_He couldn’t believe that he said all that.  Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.  “Bottom line, my feelings for you run a lot deeper and in a much different direction than they should as your commanding officer.”_

_He looked up at Sylvia, glad to see that she was smiling although her cheeks were turning an adorable shade of red.  She had a glimmer in her eye as she replied “Well, technically, I report to Stamets, but I’m guessing that’s not a useful distinction.”_

_“Unfortunately, no.”_

_“How about that you are only the temporary captain of Discovery, and after this mission, I’ll be out of your line of command.”_

_“Better.”_

_“So, what are we saying?” Sylvia asked._

_“Well so far “ we” haven’t said anything.  I’ve crossed the line and told you how I felt.  I haven’t heard anything about your feelings.”_

_“Oh my god, yes I feel the same about you.” Sylvia gushed.  “I most definitely care a lot more than I should!”_

_She smirked “I’m guessing this isn’t the right moment to share all of the fantasies I’ve had about you, as I’ve tried to fall asleep after our late-night discussions!”_

_Chris found himself blushing as he thought about his own fantasies involving the two of them.  “No regretfully not the right moment to be sharing fantasies.”_

_He took a breath before continuing.  “I don’t mean for this to sound condescending, but I have to ask.  Are you sure this isn’t a just a crush?”_

_“Ouch!  That was condescending.  But I get why you needed to ask it.  And to be clear, no, this isn’t a crush._

  _She paused to gather her thoughts.  “If all we had was our on-duty interactions, then yes it would be a junior officer having a crush on her incredibly dashing Captain”._

_“But, it’s you – Chris – who’ve I’ve gotten to know and developed deep feelings for.  For the little boy who loved to ride Tango, even though he was secretly terrified the first few times he sat in the saddle.  For the man who keeps his goofy sense of humor well hidden behind the Captain’s persona.  For the person who always does the right thing, not because he’s told to or because he’s expecting kudos, but because that’s just who he is.”_

_“That’s who I’ve developed feelings for.  And the fact that you are incredibly handsome with devastating dimples is just icing on the cake!”_

After their mutual declarations of “caring a lot more than they should”, he and Sylvia had agreed that their mission needed to be the focus now.  But as soon as Control was defeated, they would take some time off together and figure out if and how they could make it work. 

They knew it wouldn’t be easy.  From Chris’s perspective, the 15-year age difference wasn’t an issue.  His dad had been 11 years older than his mom and they had a wonderful marriage.  Ironically, his mom had often acted more mature than his dad!

Figuring out how to navigate the difference in ranks…in a way that didn’t damage their careers… would be much more challenging.  With enough effort, determination and planning however, he had to believe it was doable.

The question was… given what fate had in store for him, should he even consider starting something with Sylvia? 

He knew that she was concerned about him.  That after he returned to the ship, she saw through his mask to the raw anguish and emotion underneath.  He was sure she was waiting for him on their “private” viewing bridge, ready to provide comfort and support.

But she was so young and full of life.  She shouldn’t have to be tied down taking care of an invalid in a wheelchair.  Expecting that of her would be wrong and selfish of him.  Thus, he resolved to free her from that burden.

He left his cabin with the intent of seeking Sylvia out, not for comfort and support, but to gently call things off before they went any further. 

As he walked onto the viewing bridge, he saw her standing there waiting for him, looking like an angel with her red hair cascading over her shoulders.

“Hi Chris.”  She said with that soft smile he liked to think was reserved only for him. 

She walked over and wrapped her arms around him.  “I know you’re not okay.  How can I help?”

 

_To be continued…_


	3. Into the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This immediately follows the events of the previous chapter. Sylvia finally gets Chris to share the visions he experienced in Boreth, and it brings them closer together, as he allows himself to be vulnerable with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes AU, not just with the Pike/Tilly relationship, but also with the interpretation of the visions Pike experienced when taking the time crystal. Given the level of augmented functionality provided to Ariam after her shuttle crash, I don’t think the writers sufficiently explained why the mind-controlled wheelchair was the best they could do for Pike’s injuries after the training accident. (Obviously, this was due to the need to keep consistent with TOS canon from over 50 years ago.)
> 
> This goes AU to the extent that I partially removed that constraint and took some creative license as well as some scientific liberties. Please let me know if you think it works!

_Chris left his cabin with the intent of seeking Sylvia out, not for comfort and support, but to gently call things off before they went any further._

_As he walked onto the viewing bridge, he saw her standing there waiting for him, looking like an angel with her red hair cascading over her shoulders._

_Hi Chris.”  She said with that soft smile he liked to think was reserved only for him._

_She walked over and wrapped her arms around him.  “I know you’re not okay.  How can I help?”_

  

Chris fell into her arms, instinctively grasping the support she was offering.  He didn’t realize he was chilled to the bone until he was nestled in the warmth of her embrace.  He felt like he could finally breathe, that he was once again alive.   All intentions to call things off flew out of his mind, as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck.  He could stay wrapped in her embrace for an eternity. 

Gradually he became aware of her calling his name and he reluctantly looked up.

“Chris, while this area is usually deserted, there’s no guarantee we won’t be disturbed.   We need to go somewhere more private like your quarters.”

Chris nodded.  He was happy to let her take control.  For once he didn’t have the energy to make the decisions.  He let her guide them into the transporter to head back towards his cabin. 

As they walked down the corridor, she kept up a constant discussion about something related to the spore drive. The specifics failed to register.  He knew that she wasn’t nervously babbling but rather purposefully talking to keep up appearances in case they ran into anybody along the way.  He was thankful to let the conversation wash over him as soothing white noise.

Finally, they reached his quarters, entered and closed the door behind them.  At once, the bleak and spartan cabin was much brighter simply due to her presence.

He immediately fell back into her arms, seeking out that warmth and comfort.  He felt his body shaking and didn’t even try to hide it.  After a few minutes, he finally gained enough control to pull up his head and looked into her eyes.  “Thank you.”

“Always Chris.  I’ll always be here for you”.

They stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like an eternity before their lips came together.  He had always suspected that he and Sylvia would have incredible physical chemistry, but it was even better than he had even imagined. 

Their kisses quickly became deeper and more passionate.  His hands were busy as well, tracing the outline of her face, running his fingers through her hair, going anywhere and everywhere. He was intoxicated by the scent of her.  He couldn’t get enough of her; he was losing himself in her.  He wanted - no needed – more skin on skin contact and his hands wandered underneath her shirt.

Dimly he heard a voice talking to him, but it was easy to ignore the distraction.  That is until the voice got louder and louder.  Finally, he heard “Chris, STOP!”

He jumped back like he was on fire.  Oh my god!  What had he done?  Had he completely misread the situation and forced himself on her.  How low could he possibly sink?

He stammered as the words rushed out of his mouth.  “I am so sorry.  So sorry.  Ensign, I don’t know what came over me.  No excuses.  I was way out of line.  Please feel free to report me.  No wait, I’ll report myself.  I am so so sorry…”

\------------

Sylvia knew she needed to immediately intervene before Chris spiraled completely into despair.  She had only stopped him because, as fantastic as it would have been and as much as she wanted it, she knew it was NOT what he needed right now.

Summoning her inner Mirror Captain Tilly, she walked back over to Chris, put one hand over his mouth to stop his frantic apologies and the other under his chin to pull it up and look her in the eyes.

“Chris, please stop talking.  There is no, I repeat NO, need to apologize.  You did NOT misread this situation.  I want this as much as you.  But I also know this is not what you need most right now.” 

While he was looking at her, his eyes were unfocused, and she wasn’t sure she was getting through to him.  So, she needed to take more drastic measures.

“Chris repeat after me.  This is something we BOTH want”

She patiently stared up at him until he softly repeated her words. 

“But while it would be a great, no make that freakin AMAZING, the timing isn’t right.  It isn’t what you need right now,” Sylvia continued.

Her words finally got through to him.  He even gave a slight smile as he repeated them, though it failed to reach his eyes. 

“So, ma’am, what is it that I do need right now?”

“To talk about what happened on Boreth, “she quietly said as she wrapped her arms around him.

He shook his head. “I don’t think I can.”

“Meaning you are explicitly forbidden from doing so?  Or you just don’t want to?”  Sylvia tried to lighten the mood.  “And before you answer, you should know that having a keen BS detector is one of my superpowers!”

As she hoped, Chris gave a ghost of a smile.  “I don’t think I’m explicitly forbidden from talking about it but - “

Sylvia cut him off mid-sentence.  She instinctively knew that Chris needed her to be in control right now.  “Okay.  Then let’s sit down and talk.”

She looked around the room for a place to sit.  The sofa was the logical choice but looked exceedingly uncomfortable.  Since Chris appeared to be using it as a storage bench, with clothes and other personal belonging strewn over it, he obviously shared her opinion.  Instead, she took him by the hand and led him over to the bed. 

Chris looked confused.  “Not to be crass, but I thought physical intimacy was off the agenda for tonight.”

“It is.  But there’s no other place to comfortably sit.” she replied as she propped herself up on the bed.

She saw his sleep pants and T-shirt and tossed them to him.  “You’ll be more comfortable if you change out of your uniform.”

“Yes ma’am,” as he stripped off his uniform and put on his sleepwear.  Sylvia had assumed that he’d head into the bathroom to change but suspected he might be purposefully putting on this strip show to distract her.  Problem was that it was starting to work.  God – his body was incredible!

Focus Sylvia she mentally scolded herself.  This wasn’t about her fantasies and needs.   This was about helping Chris deal with something that was obviously very traumatic. 

Once he was changed, he got onto the bed and lied down on his back with his head in her lap.  “I appreciate that you want to help.  I just don’t think talking about it will do any good.  And I may be a coward for saying this, but I don’t think I could bear it if you looked at me with pity in your eyes.”

Sylvia’s heart broke for Chris, but she needed to keep her emotions under control for his sake.  She settled for running her fingers gently through his hair as she said “Chris, I promise never to pity you.  And you are the farthest thing there is from a coward.”

He snorted.  “That’s not how I’m seeing it.  The fact that I’m freaking out over these visions is definitely conduct unbecoming a Starfleet Captain.”

“Bullshit!  First, as far as everybody else is concerned, you’re still the stoic captain.  Second, anybody would be extremely upset at seeing what I’m assuming is a horrific vision of their personal future.”   

Chris didn’t seem convinced, so Sylvia continued.  “Part of what makes you such a wonderful captain – and person – is your humanity and compassion.  And that means that you have emotions and personal feelings, just like the rest of us.  They all go together.  One is the flip side of the other.”

Chris reluctantly nodded. 

“Chris, I don’t want to force you to share these visions with me, but I really think it will help.  It may sound trite, but a shared burden is always easier to carry.”

She paused before continuing. “I also think there may be another benefit. I’m guessing what you saw was a series of highly disturbing images.  I also suspect that you’re being led, perhaps purposefully, to the worst possible interpretation of those images.  I might be able to offer alternative or more hopeful meanings.”

Chris nodded.  “It was pretty horrific, and unfortunately, I’m not sure it’s open to interpretation.”

“Maybe not.  But it’s worth a shot.”

\-------------------------

So much for his intention to break things off with Sylvia as her constant touch – either rubbing his shoulders, soothing his temples or running her fingers through his hair – provided reassurance that he wasn’t alone.   

He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice as he described both visions shown to him.   First the training accident, then himself as crippled, mute and in pain, trapped in that chair.

Sylvia remained silent and let him talk.  When he was finished, she just held him.  He was relieved that she didn’t try to offer platitudes of sympathy; instead she just ground him with her unwavering support.

When he felt sufficiently in control, he pulled himself up and gazed up into her eyes.  He was relieved to see her looking at him with the same warmth and affection, without an ounce of pity.  “I’m here for you Chris, whatever you need.”

“Thank you, more than you know”.

He watched as her face took on what he categorized as her problem-solving expression. Her nose scrunched slightly, her eyes squinted, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. 

“Chris, I don’t want to make you relive the pain, but do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Did these visions give you any sense of the passage of time?”

He thought for a minute trying to remember the details.  “I’m pretty sure they take place about 11 years from now.  I saw a star date on one of the consoles before the explosion.”

“That’s helpful.  But I’m really looking for any sense of the amount of time between the two visions.  In other words, how soon after the accident was the vision of you in the chair?”

Chris was quiet as he tried to shift through the memories.  “I’m not sure but I don’t think it was a lot of time.  Maybe weeks, or a few months.  I can’t tell you why, but I’m pretty certain that there was less than three months between the two sets of images.”

Sylvia nodded.  “Were there any more visions after that?”

“No, that was it.”

“Okay, so you don’t know from the visions whether you’re stuck in that horrible chair for the rest of your life, or whether you’re temporarily in it while your body stabilizes for reconstructive surgeries.  I’m suspecting you’re thinking it’s the worst-case scenario, that you’re permanently in that chair.”

Chris opened his mouth to argue that the worst-case scenario was the only interpretation but then stopped.  Sylvia was right.  The visions weren’t specific enough to know. 

“You’re right.  I don’t know.  But wouldn’t the monk on Boreth have shown me if there was anything beyond life in that chair?”

Sylvia gave him a look that was a mixture of affection and calling him an idiot.  “Would he?  Wasn’t the whole purpose to force you to make a sacrifice before taking the crystal?   Thus, why would they show you anything besides the worst-case outcome?”

Chris thought about it.  “You may be right but we’re just guessing that there is a better outcome.  Further reconstruction might not be possible given the extent of my future injuries.”

Sylvia shook her head.  “I’d find that shocking to believe.  Look at what they did for Ariam after her shuttle crash.”

“But my accident will supposedly involve exposure to Delta radiation beyond just the impact of the explosion.”

Sylvia gave him that same look again, although this time it weighted slightly heavier to the idiot rather than the affectionate side.  “Chris, all space craft, including shuttles, exude Delta radiation.  Ariam had significant exposure to it with her accident, which is why she needed such extensive reconstruction and augmentation.”

She glanced around the bedroom, obviously looking for something.  “Can I borrow a PADD?”

“Sure,” as he handed her one from his nightstand.  He was curious to see where she was going with this.

“Is this okay for me to use?  I mean, I don’t want to accidentally see any of your super-secret captain stuff!”

He couldn’t help but smile.  “Definitely okay for you to use.  I trust you.”

He propped himself up on one arm, transfixed by the sight of her intently researching something on the PADD.  He honestly didn’t think she was going to find anything that helped him see a different future but loved how hard she was willing to try.

After a few minutes, she gave a smile of satisfaction.  Obviously, she had found what she was searching for.  She looked up with a serious expression on her face.  “You said you trust me.”

He nodded for her to continue.

“So, I have access to Ariam’s medical records, and found something relevant.  Very relevant.  The Starfleet privacy regulations no longer apply because she has passed.  Also, she explicitly granted me authorization to access her memories in the event of her death, and I know she would want me to show this to you.  So, are you cool with it from an ethics perspective?”

“As I’ve said, I trust you implicitly.  If you think it’s okay, I’m cool with it.”  He did trust her and frankly, he was curious to see what she’d found.

“So how much do you know about Ariam and what happened to her?”

Chris thought for a moment, trying to recollect everything he knew about Ariam beyond her role as a bridge officer.  The sad truth was he didn’t know much about her.  He mentally chastised himself since as one of his senior officers, he should have made more of an effort to have a deeper connection with her.

He was startled out of his musings by his left side being abruptly tickled.  “Hey, what was that for?”

“For beating yourself about not knowing more about Ariam.  You were only aboard Discovery for a month before her death and were focused on SAVING ALL SENTIENT LIFE IN THE GALAXY.  Also, while she greatly respected you as a captain, she highly treasured her privacy and any outreach you made would likely have been politely rebuffed.”

Chris couldn’t help but smile.  It was scary how easily she read his mind.

“Now, let me tell you what I found.  A bit of background, Ariam and her husband were coming home from their very romantic elopement, when their shuttle crashed.  Her husband was instantly killed, and Ariam suffered devastating injuries.  She had three separate reconstructive surgeries over a 14-month period, where they basically built her an artificial body.”

“What’s amazing is how Ariam embraced her new life and lived it to the fullest.  The only thing she mourned was the loss of her husband, who she intensely missed until the day she died.  She never complained however about her augmentations and lack of flesh and blood.  Instead, she went back onto active duty, made great new friends like me aboard Discovery and lived a rich and fulfilling life.”  Sylvia was contemplative for a moment, consumed with memories of her friend.

Chris nodded, curious to see where Sylvia was going with this.

“So now let me show you what I found.  As I said, Ariam required three surgeries.  Her first surgery occurred about six weeks after the accident, since her condition needed to be stabilized after the crash.  While she was awaiting that surgery, she was in a motor chair controlled by her brain waves, unable to speak.  She said that was the scariest time of her life.  She was in severe pain, had just lost her husband and was incapable of communicating beyond yes or no responses.   The only thing that kept her sane was they told her it was temporary, and she chose to believe them.”

With that, Sylvie showed him the picture of Ariam taken a few weeks after the shuttle crash.  Chris’s jaw dropped.  The picture was almost identical to his vision, except it was Ariam in that chair.  His mouth opened and closed a few times, unable to speak.

“So, by your reaction, I’m guessing this picture strikes a chord.”

Chris nodded, as Sylvia then showed him additional pictures of Ariam after each successive surgery.

Chris kept going back to the picture of Ariam in that chair.  He just couldn’t reconcile it with the highly competent bridge officer who had appeared to enjoy a robust life about Discovery.

He was finally starting to believe that there might be more to his future beyond what he saw in those blasted visions.  While becoming part robot (he mentally apologized to Ariam, but there was no better way to say it) was not ideal, it was infinitely better that being silently trapped in that chair.  He could continue to serve in Starfleet, have friends and interests, and perhaps most importantly, be a husband and a father.  Yes, he was getting way ahead of himself with those last two thoughts but his mind kept heading in that direction.

“Do you still think the worst-case scenario is the most likely outcome?”

“It’s hard to argue that after seeing these pictures.  Of course, there are no guarantees that I’ll be able to have similar surgeries, but it definitely gives me hope.”

He reached out and gathered Sylvia in his arms, as they snuggled together on the bed.  “Thank you” he said as he gently kissed her forehead.  “There aren’t words to say how much this…. how much _you_ …mean to me.”

“I didn’t do anything special.  I’m sure that Spock or Michael or anybody else could have pointed out the alternative scenarios.”

“Yes, any of them - especially Spock or Micheal- could have happily highlighted the flaws in my logic.   But I would never share this, never let myself be this vulnerable, with anybody but you.  You are the only one who can anchor me with a mere touch.”

He reached down and kissed her again, this time on the lips.  Like before, their kisses quickly become deeper and more passionate.

“You know, physical intimacy doesn’t need to be off the table for tonight,” Sylvia breathlessly said as they momentarily came up for air.

Chris quickly glanced at his bedside clock.  “Unfortunately, now it’s my turn to point out that it’s not the right time.  We’re due back on duty in a little over 3 hours.  I think we both need to grab a few hours of sleep before facing what Control has in store for us tomorrow, or I mean today.”

Sylvia nodded.  As started to get off the bed to head back to her quarters, Chris lightly grabbed her arm.  “Please stay here with me. I know I’ll sleep better if we’re together and frankly I don’t want to be apart from you.  I don’t mean to be presumptuous but am hoping you feel the same.”

“I’d love to stay.  I’ll be right back.  Just need to use your bathroom.”

 -----------------

Sylvia quickly did what she needed to in the bathroom, then took a minute to catch her breath.  The last few hours had been an emotional rollercoaster. 

What was happening between them had started slow but was moving fast.  Very fast.  In many ways, she felt closer to him that if they had been physically intimate.  She knew how big of a step it was for Chris to be so open and vulnerable with her.  She could only hope that she had said and done the right things to comfort him.

The reality was that she was completely in love with Christopher Pike.  Not a crush.  Not just lust, although that was part of it.  But deeply and madly in love.  While she had her share of relationships, they paled in comparison with what was unfolding with Chris.  (Funny, when they were off duty, he was always Chris.  It never even occurred to her to think of him as Captain Pike, unless they were on duty.)

She headed back into the bedroom and crawled under the covers and back into Chris’s arms.  He set the alarm and lowered the lights, so they could grab a few hours of sleep.  As she drifted off to sleep, she heard him say “Good night my love.  My bashert*”.

_To be continued_

_*Footnote: “Bashert” is a Yiddish word that loosely translates to soulmate.  Will provide more description in the next chapter_

 

 


	4. Decisions Through Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take place immediately following the end of the previous chapter and through the episode Such Sweet Sorrow (Part 1). Sylvia and Chris have their first argument as Sylvia wrestles with an impossible decision while they make plans for their future. A bit of angst and a lot of fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story continues to be AU for the Pike/Tilly relationship. It's also AU from the TOS Menagerie episode, especially with respect to the Pike and Vina relationship.

_She headed back into the bedroom and crawled under the covers and back into Chris’s arms. He set_ _the alarm and lowered the lights, so they could grab a few hours of sleep. As she drifted off to sleep,_ _she heard him say “Good night my love. My bashert”._

 

Chris glanced at the bedside clock.  Still an hour to go before they were due back on duty.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep.  He was content to just stare at the amazing and beautiful woman lying next to him, encircled in a halo of red curls.

He had called her his Bashert.

Growing up, Chris had been exposed to multiple religions.  He’d become fascinated with the Jewish concept of Bashert, a divinely predestined spouse or soulmate with whom you are a perfect complement.

He was cynical about the concept of a preordained destiny.  Yes, he knew that was highly ironic given the fate he’d sealed on Boreth.  But he was drawn to the idea of a partner or soulmate with whom you connected on such a deep and fundamental level.  Someone who saw through the masks and pretense; someone with whom you could communicate a full thought without saying a single word; someone who knew you better then you knew yourself.

While he’d had his share of romantic entanglements over the years, he never expected to find that type of connection for himself.  The Talosians had tried to create the illusion that Vina was his soulmate.  But it was just that – an illusion.  While he had strong feelings for her when he was on Talos, he later realized he’d been emotionally manipulated.  They’d drawn the image from his mind of what he supposedly thought was the perfect woman.  It didn’t escape his notice that his true soulmate – Sylvia – looked nothing like Vina.

When Vina visited him in the ready room a few weeks ago, he'd felt a resonance of those emotions, but they were much less intense than he remembered.  At the time, he’d attributed it to the physical distance over which the Talosians were projecting the illusion.  He now realized that the reduced intensity was due to his growing feelings for Sylvia.

In his ready room, he’d told Vina he thought of her, of the two of them together.  While he meant it in the moment, in retrospect, it was a lie.  He hadn’t thought of her since leaving Talos, beyond regret at leaving a crew member behind. 

By comparison, his feelings for Sylvia ran deep, and he thought about her ALL the time. Vina was presented as the “perfect woman” for him but perfection was boring.  Real relationships were messy and complicated, and he couldn’t wait to take his to the next level with Sylvia.

He was momentarily startled by a sleepy voice.  “You’re thinking too loudly, and it woke me up!” Sylvia said with one eye open.

“Sorry!” he said as he thought about how adorable she looked in her drowsy state.

“You know Chris, when your dimples are showing as you say sorry, it distracts from the sincerity of the apology.  Just sayin!”  Sylvia complained, although he knew she wasn’t really upset.

“Duly noted,” he said with a smile stretching across his face, making his dimples even more pronounced.

“How much time do we have before the alarm?” she asked as she snuggled closer to him.

He glanced at the clock.  “About 40 minutes,” as wrapped his arms around her.  “Good morning” as he leaned in for a kiss.  She happily reciprocated.  Like earlier, it very quickly become passionate.  Very heated.  Sparks flew as they couldn’t get enough of each other. 

With every ounce of self-control he possessed, he reluctantly pulled back.  “Don’t kill me but we really need to talk.  It’s going to get crazy once we rendezvous with Enterprise.  And I want to make sure we’re on the same page before then.”

“YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!  Are we ever going to have sex?” Sylvia pouted. 

“Assuming we survive today, I promise we will.  Lots and lots.” He assured her as he gently pushed strands of curls back from her face.

“I’m holding you to that.” Sylvia said as she sat up in bed. “So, what’s so important we need to talk about it _now_?”

“Assuming you agree, I want to go public with our relationship and officially notify Starfleet.”

“Do you mean like now?”

“Yup.  Today.  After we defeat Control.  Are you okay with that?”

Sylvia was quiet for a few minutes before responding.  “Your timing’s a surprise, but I’m fine with it.  Why the rush?”

Chris thought about how to explain it.  “A lot of things.  Not wanting to waste time.  Wanting to get off on the right foot on Enterprise.  Not wanting to sneak around behind everyone’s back, which will be harder on Enterprise, given how crazy and overcrowded it will be.  I want to be above board and have us openly sharing quarters.”

“So, this is all about saving space by doubling up on cabins?”  Sylvia asked in a teasing manner.  “All kidding aside, it does make sense.  I assume that means you’ll talk to Admiral Cornwall.”

“Yes, I mean no.  _We_ will talk to her.  This is about the two of us.”

“Do you think she’ll give us a hard time?”

“No. But she’s going to ask us if we’re serious and if we’ve thought it through.”

“Well duh – like we would go to her if it wasn’t!  And don’t worry, I won’t say that to the Admiral.”  Sylvia reassured Chris.

Her expression turned thoughtful.  “That reminds me.  You called me something last night before I fell asleep.  Something like bashit.”

“Bashert.  It loosely means soulmate.  I’ll have to give you the broader definition later.”  Chris said with a smile. 

“Soulmate.  I like that,” Sylvia said with a soft smile.  “You know I feel the same about you.” 

Chris felt warm inside upon hearing Sylvia’s words.

“The admiral will also ask us about our plans.  We don’t need to have it all figured out, but we at least need to have given it some thought.”  Chris said.

“So, what are our options?”

“Assuming we both stay in Starfleet, we have three options.  The first is for us to take separate postings on different ships.”

“And what…see each other once a year if we’re lucky?”  Sylvia shook her head and crinkled her nose in disgust.  “That so doesn’t work for me!”

“Me either so let’s rule that out.  The second option is for us to take positions based out of Earth and the Sol system.  That would allow us to settle down and build a life together.”

“Please promise me you wouldn’t take a position that involves training cadets on star ships!”

“Nope, I promise.  No training cruises for at least the next 10 years.  I’m sure there would be a role for me in Starfleet Ops.  Might even entail a promotion.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.  I’ll admit the idea of a domestic life with you has a certain appeal.”

“Definitely.  We could live in my house in Mojave – or wherever you want.”  Chris knew he was jumping the gun, but his vision also included a few kids with red curly hair and dimples. 

He continued. “From a personal perspective, that would be great.  My biggest concern is for your career.  Not being on a star ship would likely take you out of the Command track.”

“Chris, up until recently, being on the Command track wasn’t even part of my goals.  You know how much I love science and engineering.  I only switched to the Command track after our experiences in the Mirror Universe.  While I admit I’d miss the opportunity to become a Starfleet Captain, I could be perfectly happy and advance my career by working at Utopia Planitia, or in one of Starfleet’s research labs or ship design facilities.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.  Every choice involves a trade-off, and that’s one I’d have no trouble making.  I’d be more concerned about you giving up the Enterprise and the next 5-year mission.”

“Like you, it’s a tradeoff I’d be willing to make if that was the best option for us.”

“So, what’s Option 3?”

“Living openly together on the Enterprise for the 5-year mission.”

“How would that even work given the frat regs?”

“You’d be in a specialist role explicitly outside of my command.  You’d likely report into Chief Engineer Louvier, who’d report to Number One and then directly to the Admiral.  I’d have no say in your performance reviews and career advancement.”

“But I’d still be under your command as a member of the crew.  I’d have to follow your orders in a red alert situation.”

“Yes, which is why Starfleet would insist on several conditions before granting approval.  For example, we’d need to swear to uphold specific standards for professional behavior.”

“That’s not an issue.  What are the other conditions?”

“Well, not to scare you, but they probably wouldn’t even consider it unless…” Chris paused, not wanting to get ahead of himself and scare Sylvia.

“Unless what?” Sylvia persisted.

“Unless we’re married.”  Chris watched Sylvia’s face to see if that made her panic or freak out.  “I know it’s rushing things, but it feels like we’re heading in that direction already.”

Chris was at a loss about what Sylvia was thinking.  For once her face was unreadable. 

“Syl, please talk to me.  What are you feeling?  Should I be relieved that you’re not running screaming from the room?” Chris asked after a few seconds had gone by.

“No screaming I promise!”  Sylvia said with a small smile.  “Just thinking about how a month ago, I was babbling on the bridge because I was so nervous just speaking with you.   And now we’re talking about getting married.  I need to wrap my head around it.” 

Sylvia paused for a moment before continuing.  “You’re right.  This is just accelerating what’s already in motion.” 

“I’m assuming we wouldn’t have to get married right away as long it’s before the 5-year mission.” She said with a bit of a mischievous smile.  "I’d want time to keep getting to know each other and make it romantic.  And by the way, I like the nickname “Syl.” You’re the only one who’s ever called me that.”  

“Okay, Syl it is.  And by the way, I’m all for romance as well.”  Chris said with a relieved smile.  “So back to our plans, what would be your first choice?”

“If we can get Starfleet to agree to it, I’d like us to do the 5-year mission on Enterprise.  It would be a great experience and a lot of fun.  We could take Earth based positions when we get back.  But I could be happy with either scenario.”

“That’s my thinking as well.  We don’t need to make a decision right now but at least we have some initial thoughts to share ---”

Chris was interrupted by the blaring of the bedside alarm.

“Damn – I need to get going back to my quarters and get ready to go on duty.” Sylvia said as she got out of bed.

Chris got up as well and drew her into a hug.  “Before you go...”  He gently pulled up her chin to look her in the eyes, “Today is going to be challenging.  Defeating Control MUST be our top priority, no matter what the cost.  With that said, _please_ try to stay alive and whole in the process.”

“I’ll do my best.  But the same holds true for you.   You’re probably thinking that your “sealed future” makes you invincible for now.  That you can’t be severely hurt or killed until the training accident, so you can take even more foolish risks than usual.  Tell me if I’m wrong.”

“You know me too well.” Chris abashedly said. 

“Well, stop thinking that way!   We don’t know how real this Klingon mysticism is and I don’t want to bet your life on it.  Remember, you have someone who loves you!”

“I promise to be careful,” as he gave her a goodbye kiss.

 

_Later that day._

Sylvia was so frustrated she wanted to scream.  She couldn’t get a straight answer from Chris no matter how hard she tried.  She was standing in his Ready Room aboard Discovery.  Not the ideal place for a personal conversation, but there was no alternative.  If only he wasn’t so obstinate!

It had already been a long day and they had yet to face off against Control.  The idea to take Discovery to the future to prevent Control from accessing the Sphere Data was brilliant, but she was devastated that Michael would be unable to return.

She and her Discovery crew mates agreed they wouldn’t let Michael stay in the future alone, despite her insistence that she would be fine. 

Sylvia wished that both she and Chris could join Discovery on the trip to the future.  But she knew that his sense of duty would never let him agree to it.  He’d view it as cheating the personal fate that he’d sealed.  She also knew he’d never consider abandoning Enterprise before it went into battle.  She decided not to even to suggest it, so he didn’t have to feel bad saying no.

Her words from earlier in the day of “every choice involves a tradeoff” came back to haunt her.  The Discovery crew was her family and the thought of never seeing them again was unimaginable.  But the alternative was far worse.  Chris was her soulmate and she couldn’t even think of leaving him behind.

So, after Po had successfully started to charge the time crystal, she excused herself to seek out Chris in his ready room.  She knew it was inappropriate to have a personal discussion while on duty, but they were running out of time.  (Funny how time was in short supply when you needed it the most.)

She wanted Chris to directly tell her that he wanted her to stay behind.  But all he kept saying was that it was her decision.  She was starting to wonder if he was having second thoughts about their relationship.  Her insecurities were making her think he might be trying to let her down gently.  She could feel herself losing control over her emotions.

“God damn it Chris!  Cut the crap and tell me what you’re really thinking.  Do you want me to stay behind with you or not?  If you don’t want to be with me, please just have the balls to admit it!” 

She could tell that Chris was getting equally frustrated. 

“Sorry for raising my voice.  I know you’re angry because it’s inappropriate given our location.  I’m just so frustrated that I can’t help it!” Sylvia explained.

“You’re damn right I’m angry.  No make that furious!  But not because of the volume of your voice.  This room is soundproof.  Lorca saw to that.”  Chris snapped.

She could see his jaw tense and the cords in his neck tighten as Chris struggled to control his temper before he continued.  “I’ve been very open.  Very clear about how I feel about you, us and our future.  But it sounds like you weren’t listening.  Or you don’t believe me.  Or you think I’m so arbitrary and cavalier with your feelings that I’d do a complete 180 in a matter of hours.  Frankly, I find that totally insulting!”

Sylvia felt horrible.  Her insecurities had created doubts, but she never meant to insult Chris.

“I’m so sorry-“

Chris cut her off mid-sentence and continued in the same strident tone.  “But if you want me to say it again I will.  I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  His voice started to crack.  “And I don’t know what else to say to make you believe me.”

Sylvia swallowed hard.  Shit.  She’d really blown it.  “Chris, I am sorry.  You’ve been very clear.  It’s just that when you keep telling me it’s my decision, my insecurities make me read something negative into it.”

“You’re looking for me to get down on my knees and beg you to say in the present with me,” Chris said in a softer voice. 

“Well maybe not on your knees but yes.”  Sylvia admitted.

“I can’t do that.  No matter how much I want to.  This is a decision you must make on your own.  I know the Discovery crew is your family and I don’t want you to resent me for keeping you from them.”

“You’re right.  They are my family.  But not to sound corny, you are the love of my life.  There’s no choice necessary.  I’m staying here with you…. And before you ask, yes, I’m sure.”

Sylvia saw the relief in his eyes as soon as he absorbed her words. 

“What reason are you going to give them for why you’re staying in the present?”  Chris asked in a much calmer tone.

“While I’d love to shout about us from the rooftops, it’s not appropriate until after we talk to the Admiral.  Plus, we can’t afford any distraction as we’re heading into battle.  But I’m going to tell Michael the truth, so she doesn’t think I’m arbitrarily abandoning her.” 

“Plus, I think she already suspects something.  She’s commented on my frequent disappearances at night.  I also may have called out your name once or twice during a particularly vivid dream.”  Sylvia said with a smile, especially as she saw Chris start to blush.

“I’ll ask her to not share it with anyone else until they’ve made it to the future.”  Sylvia added.

“That makes sense.”

They were interrupted by an announcement “Captain, the Enterprise will arrive in 57 minutes.  Control is only 10 minutes behind them.”

“I need to get back to Po and see how’s she doing with the time crystal.  Please don’t leave me behind.”

“Never,” Chris said as he gave her a gentle kiss. 

 

_To be continued_


	5. What it Means to be a Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during Such Sweet Sorry Part 2. Tilly seizes an opportunity to save the day and learns an important lesson about leadership, while she and Chris officially notify Starfleet of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story continues to be AU for the Tilly/Pike relationship and for Tilly being on the Enterprise during the events of the episode Such Sweet Sorry Part 2. Also, due to Tilly’s actions on the Enterprise, Admiral Cornwall doesn’t die. This chapter contains a few lines of dialogue taken directly from the episode.
> 
> The science in this chapter is also completely made up!

_“Captain, the Enterprise will arrive in 57 minutes.  Control is only 10 minutes behind them.”_

_“I need to get back to Po and see how’s she doing with the time crystal. Please don’t leave me behind,” said Sylvia_

" _Never,” said Chris as he gave her a gentle kiss_

  

Sylvia had never felt more useless.  The Enterprise bridge was in a state of controlled chaos.  Red alarms were flashing, sparks flew, and the sound of explosions reverberated throughout the ship.  The bridge crew were actively manning their stations, reacting to everything being thrown at them by Control and frantically trying to turn the tide of the battle.  The pilots were risking it all on the front lines trying to dodge the Control drones and create an offensive perimeter. 

And Sylvia just stood there doing nothing.  With no explicit duties to perform, she was a mere observer in the battle for the future of the galaxy

The Captain ( _and now it was definitely the Captain, not Chris_ ) had assigned her as floating officer on the Enterprise bridge.  It was standard protocol to have a floating officer in red alert situations as a backup in case any bridge officers became incapacitated.  While she was eager to jump in and help, she certainly didn’t want anyone to be hurt for her to have a more meaningful role.

Even Po was in the thick of the fight.  Sylvia was so proud of her.  She had come a long way from that scared teenage runaway.  She wasn’t just a confident queen; she was also making a difference – a very significant difference - in this battle. 

She was jarred out of her thoughts by Number One yelling “Captain, an undetonated torpedo has breached the hull.  If it blows, it’ll rip a hole four decks wide in our saucer section.”

“Was that torpedo lodged, Lieutenant? And is it live? Captain Pike demanded.

"Deck five, section two. And yes, sir.”

“Lower blast shields five and two.  Lieutenant Mann, deploy the DOT Sevens.  I want them standing by for repair.  Lieutenant Amin, can we seal off the bay where the torpedo landed?"

“Only one of the blast shields will drop, Captain. The other one's jammed.”

“Lieutenant Nicola, do we have anyone from Munitions available?”

“All occupied, Admiral.”

“WE CAN USE HARMONICS!”  Sylvia exclaimed a bit too loudly.  Everyone on the bridge turned to her.

“Ensign, do you have something to add?” Captain Pike sharply asked, although his gaze projected his faith in her.

Sylvia took a deep breath and drew upon all the training from her counselor to come across as calm and confident.  “If that’s a standard Federation torpedo, it can be disarmed through applying specific harmonic frequencies.”

“Are you sure?” asked the Captain

“Yes sir.  I’ve done it myself in a training exercise at the academy,” said Sylvia

“Ensign, you’re with me.  We’ll do this onsite.  Lieutenant Amin, please give us both PADDs.  Figure out what kind of weapon we're dealing with and send us the schematics.”  Number One said as she jumped up from her chair and briskly headed off the bridge.

Sylvia’s thoughts were racing as she chased after Number One.  What she hadn’t revealed on the bridge was that the training exercise was more of a drinking game that she’d played with her fellow Science and Engineering cadets.  Of course, since it was a game, the torpedoes had been dummies without active warheads.  They never thought it would have a practical application.  (After all, in war time, wouldn’t it be a Klingon or other type of enemy torpedo that would need to be de-activated?  Not a Federation one.)  For what it was worth, she could also repair a shield generator while blindfolded if that ever became necessary.  Another skill learned through Academy drinking games.

Once they entered the briefing room where the torpedo was lodged, Sylvia breathed a sigh of relief.  She was familiar with the specific model and confident that she could disarm it.  The question was whether there was enough time.

“I can do this, but the timing will be tight” Sylvia said as she got out her PADD and started finding the right harmonic frequencies to aim at the torpedo.  “There are 8 connectors that need to be disarmed, and the trick is aiming the right frequency at the right connector in the right order.”

“How long will it take?  This’ll blow in less than 25 minutes.” 

“Don’t know.  I’ve only done this once before and all I remember was that it took less than 30 minutes.”  She purposefully omitted the fact that copious amounts of alcohol had been involved and she wasn’t sure whether that had helped or hindered her speed.

“Status update Number One,” asked the Captain over the communicator.

“Good news is that Ensign Tilly’s idea is working.  Bad news is that she doesn’t know if she has enough time to fully disarm it.”

“Can you fix the blast door and get it to close?” asked the Captain.

“Working on it”

“I’m giving the Admiral the conn and heading down there.” 

\----

Chris’s thoughts were jumbled as he practically sprinted down to the briefing room. He was proud – but not surprised – that Sylvia had thought of the out-of-the-box solution to possibly save the day.  But he was petrified that she’d end up sacrificing her life in the process.  He knew that if they ran out of time, somebody would need to manually close the blast door from inside.

He reached the briefing room and stepped inside.  Sylvia was intently focused as her fingers flew over the PADD and she occasionally looked up at the readings on the torpedo.

“Status, Ensign.”

“Halfway there. 4 of the 8 connectors have been de-activated.”

“At this rate, you’ll finish right as the torpedo is about to go off.”  Number One said as she did some quick math in her head.

“Yes.  I’m trying to gain time where I can, but I don’t want to risk making mistakes.  I’ll hopefully finish with a few seconds to spare.”

“Number One, any luck with this blast door?”

“It’s a lost cause.  The only way to close it is to manually bring it down from the inside.”

“Got it.”  Pike said calmly.  “Number One, please head back to the bridge and take the conn from the Admiral.  I’ll stay here with Ensign Tilly.”

“Will do.  Good luck Ensign.” Number One said as she departed, leaving the Chris and Sylvia alone with the torpedo.

“Syl,” he said as she looked up briefly and met his eyes before returning to her calculations.  “I’m going to order you to leave at the 10 second mark so that I can manually bring down the blast door.”

“Chris, please don’t.  I _can_ do this.  And if not, I’d rather die than live with the knowledge my failure caused your death.”  Sylvia said firmly.  “And I mean this with utmost love and respect – but please be quiet so I can focus.”

Chris complied and kept quiet.  He wanted to order her to leave but respected her wishes.  The lines between the personal and professional were being blurred but he chose to ignore that for now.

He manually brought the blast door down and leaned against it watching her work.  She nailed the 7th connector with a bit over 3 minutes left to go.  It was now down to the wire for the final connector. 

Amazingly enough he felt calm.  He had lived a full life and found his true love.  He wanted more time with her, but he had known that this day might require them to pay the ultimate price.  He idly wondered if this would be cheating the future sealed on Boreth but in the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care.  He was captivated by her efforts while watching the timer tick down.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6…

“Got it!” Sylvia screamed as he saw the timer freeze at the 6 second mark.

“Really?  It’s de-activated?”

“Yup, although someone from Munitions should probably remove the warhead just to be sure that it doesn’t get accidentally restarted, especially with the pounding the ship is taking.”

Chris threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly.  “You’re brilliant and amazing and I love you,” as he planted a kiss on the top of her head.  He could feel her collapse in his arms in relief, as the adrenaline rushed out of her body.

His communicator chirped.  “Yes, Number One, we’re still here.  Ensign Tilly was successful.  Please send someone from Munitions up here to remove the warhead.  We’re going to stay here with the blast door closed until they arrive.”

They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms, until he saw the Munitions expert approach.  He raised the blast door and left the torpedo in their capable hands to remove the warhead.

He and Sylvia raced back to the Bridge with their professional masks back in place, although he couldn’t refrain from giving her another kiss when they were alone in the Turbo-lift.

Things moved quickly after that.  Michael opened the wormhole to the future, just as all of Control’s ships went dead in the water. He and Sylvia stood side by side in front of the view screen as they watched Discovery enter the wormhole and disappear into the future.

“Goodbye my friends,” said Chris

“My family,” Sylvia softly added

 ----

_5 hours later._

Chris and Sylvia were sitting alone in his quarters, having a light meal before getting some sleep.  The past 5 hours were a blur.  The battle had been a success, Control was defeated, and Discovery was hopefully in the future.  They wouldn’t be certain of Discovery’s fate until they saw the 7th signal, which he understood could take several months to appear.

While they had been victorious in the battle against Control, it had been at a significant cost.  19 Enterprise crew members were dead and another 48 injured, some of whom were in critical condition.  The ship had been badly damaged and would require extensive repairs.  Chris hoped that Command would consider saving all sentient life in the galaxy to be a valid excuse for wrecking the Enterprise immediately upon the ship coming back into service from its previous retrofit.

Chris had ordered everyone to just do what was necessary to stabilize the ship before going off duty to get some rest.  He knew his crew was exhausted and emotionally spent from the battle and needed some down time to recover.  If they tried to push too hard tonight, they could end up making costly and deadly mistakes.

He looked over at Sylvia who looked so tired that he hoped she wouldn’t face plant into her soup.  She had spent the past 4 hours in Engineering at the specific request of Chief Engineer Louvier.  When Chris had asked the Chief Engineer if he needed help for the most urgent repairs, he’d immediately requested assistance from the brilliant Ensign who had de-activated that torpedo. 

After she was done in Engineering, he and Sylvia had a quick conversation with the Admiral and revealed their relationship.  He knew Kat well and could tell that she wasn’t completely surprised.  He also knew there would be more conversations tomorrow – make that _many more_ – but she gave them her preliminary approval.

As if she could read his mind, Sylvia looked up at him and said.  “Chris, I guess I’m not really hungry.  Do you mind if I take a quick shower before we get some sleep?”

“Go ahead.  I can clean up here.”

He quickly disposed of the remains of their meal and wiped down the table before heading into the other room where he found Sylvia sobbing quietly on his bed.

“Syl, what’s wrong?” as he climbed on the bed next to her.  His heart sunk as he wondered whether she was regretting her decision not to join her crew mates on Discovery.

She threw himself in his arms and he just rubbed her back and let her cry.  After a few moments, her sobs subsided as she pulled back and looked up at him.  “Thanks.”

“Always.  What’s wrong.  Are you regretting your - “

Sylvia cut him off with a sad smile.  “No, Chris.  I’m absolutely NOT regretting my decision to stay here with you.”

He patiently waited as she gathered her thoughts.  “I just feel so worthless.  So many people died today.  So many people put their lives on the line with heroic actions and made the ultimate sacrifice.  I just stood there doing nothing on the bridge other than observing and helping if called upon.  Yet here I am, safe and sound.  It doesn’t seem right.”  Her eyes welled up with tears again.

“Are you kidding?  Your creative thinking on how to disarm the torpedo pretty much saved the ship and most of the crew!  And you risked your own life to do it.”  Chris stopped himself from adding that he had the additional grey hairs to prove it.

“That was nothing special.  It was just a trick I learned in an Academy drinking game, if you want to know the truth.”

“It doesn’t matter how you acquired the knowledge.  What counts is that you were able to draw upon those skills and successfully use them in a crisis.  Not to mention you put your own life on the line to do so.”

“I guess.” Sylvia said.  “But one of the real heroes of today was Po.  Not only did she charge the time crystal, but she also figured out to destroy the drones and prevent our squadron from being obliterated.”

“Agreed.  And that’s something you should also be proud of.”

“Me?  What did I have to do with Po’s heroic actions?” Sylvia squeaked.

“Everything.  Leadership isn’t just about personally saving the day or being a hero.  It’s about finding, nurturing, supporting and motivating the best people so _they_ can save the day by working together.  That’s what you did with Po. I was able to speak with her for a few minutes before leaving Discovery.  She said that you helped her overcome her fears of being Queen and start believing in herself.  You were the one that gave her the confidence to act as she did today.”

He could tell Sylvia was listening and thinking about his words, but still wasn’t convinced.

“Syl, what did I _personally_ contribute to today’s successful outcome?”

“Everything!  You led us to victory.”

“Yes, I was in command of the Enterprise, but what actions did I _personally_ take?”

Sylvia thought for a minute.  “You gave that great speech before going into battle, summarizing the tactical strategy and commanding us to “ _This is Starfleet; Get it done_ ”.  She had a slight smile on her face as she continued.  “By the way, this is inappropriate, but I found that last part really hot!”

“Well, that tactical strategy was developed in collaboration with my officers.  And giving a speech isn’t exactly putting myself on the line.  What else?”  He purposefully ignored the “that was hot” comment for the moment.

“You gave other tactical orders during the battle.  And you stood by and supported me in de-activating the torpedo, risking your own life in the process.”

“Think about it.  Yes, I risked my life as necessary – as did you – but sometimes the best thing you can do is let others perform their duties and be there to provide support.” Chris responded.

“I get what you’re saying.  Logically, it makes sense.  I just can’t stop feeling guilty.  So many good people died today, and it just seems completely random that I’m still alive.” Sylvia said

“Unfortunately, survivor guilt is something I’m all too familiar with.  I can tell you that it does get better over time.  The key is not to let it eat you up and stress over things outside of your control.  And you’re right, who lives and who dies during battle is often completely arbitrary.”

Sylvia yawned again loudly.  As her emotions had settled down, her exhaustion reasserted itself. “I’m so tired that I could just crawl under these covers and fall asleep.”

“So, let’s just do it.  We can shower in the morning.”

Sylvia wrinkled her nose.  “Ugh, I’m sweaty and gross and my hair smells of burnt silicone.  The last thing I want to do is mess up your nice clean bed.”

With that, she narrowed her eyes in suspicion and critically looked around his quarters.  “Chris, the rest of the ship is a mess!  Even the parts that weren’t explicitly damaged are in complete disarray.  So why do your quarters look so nice and neat?”

Uh oh, he thought.  Busted!  “Well, maybe they just didn’t take a beating like the rest of the ship?”

“What, your quarters had a magical super shield over them?” Sylvia sarcastically asked.  “Try again.”

“Well, while you were down in Engineering, I had a few minutes to stop by and straighten them up.  It helped that they sustained no physical damage.”

“Let me get this straight.  While I was in Engineering helping to stabilize the warp core, you were what – being domestic and feathering our nest?  Should I call you the cabana boy?” Sylvia started giggling uncontrollably.

Her laughter was infectious, and Chris joined in as well.  He knew it was mostly a stress relief reaction, but it still felt good to laugh.  However, he would get even for that cabana boy comment.

Sylvia stood up and started to undress.  Chris was debating whether to go into the other room and give her some privacy, when she reached out to him.

“Please join me in the shower.”

Chris swallowed hard.  “Syl, if I join you, I’m not going to be able to keep my hands – and other parts of my body – off of you.”

“Good, because I’m not asking you to.”  Sylvia said with a smile.  “Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?”   

She stripped off her clothes and headed towards the shower, looking coquettishly back over her shoulder at Chris.  He stood frozen for a minute before practically ripping off his uniform and following her into the bathroom.

 

_To be continued_

_Authors note:  And yes, I promise to start the next chapter right where this one leaves off!_


	6. An Emotional Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place immediately following the events of the previous chapter, on board the Enterprise as it limps back to Earth after the battle with Control. Chris and Sylvia finally become intimate and communicate their relationship to the senior officers of the Enterprise, while Chris deals with an intense bout of survivor’s guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story continues to be AU for the Tilly/Pike relationship. 
> 
> The first part of this chapter contains a sexual scene with a mild bit of kinkiness. 
> 
> Chief Engineer Louvier (mentioned in the episode Obol to Charon) is brought to life in this chapter. I’ve chosen to depict him as the French version of the character Radek Zelenka – a senor Science and Engineering Officer on Stargate Atlantis. A brilliant and blunt disheveled genius, at times oblivious to anything not related to science or engineering.

_Sylvia stood up and started to undress.  Chris was debating whether to go into the other room and give her some privacy, when she reached out to him._

_"Please join me in the shower.”_

_Chris swallowed hard.  “Syl, if I join you, I’m not going to be able to keep my hands – and other parts of my body – off of you.”_

_“Good, because I’m not asking you to.”  Sylvia said with a smile.  “Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?”_

_She stripped off her clothes and headed towards the shower, looking coquettishly back over her shoulder at Chris.  He stood frozen for a minute before practically ripping off his uniform and following her into the bathroom._

 

\---

Sylvia heart was pounding as Chris joined her in the bathroom.  It seemed like they’d been dancing around this moment forever, although the timing finally felt right.  They momentarily busied themselves gathering toiletries and setting out towels before climbing into the shower. 

They just stood there for a second – wrapped in each other’s arms – luxuriating in the feeling of the hot water beating down on their exhausted bodies.  While Sylvia had admired Chris’s physique on many occasions, the sensation of his naked body pressed against her was more electrifying than she could’ve imagined.  She could tell Chris was extremely excited as well, as his quite significant erection pressed into her.

“Do you trust me? “Chris whispered in a husky voice.

“Of course.  Why?”

“Because I want to try something if you’re game.” Chris said with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Okay.”  Sylvia didn’t know what to expect but she did trust Chris. 

“Ensign, turn around and place your hands against the shower wall.”  Chris demanded.

Oh shit!  He was using his command voice. She didn’t know whether it was payback for her earlier comments, but it was hot! 

She felt him scrubbing her neck and her back, interspersing kisses on the areas that he’d just washed. 

“Oh, that feels great.” Sylvia purred.

“No speaking,” he commanded.  “But feel free to make whatever sounds you want.”

He continued his gentle washing, stroking and kissing, working his way from her neck all the way down to the back of her legs and ankles.  Between the sound of his command voice and the sensations he was generating, she could feel the heat pooling deep within her. 

“Turn around” he demanded.  She could tell the excitement was affecting him as well since there was a slight waver in his command voice and his eyes were dark with desire.

He continued his ministrations on the front of her neck before lavishing special attention to her breasts.  After gently washing them, he spent time kissing and nipping them, suckling each nipple in turn.  She couldn’t stop herself from moaning out load.

She groaned when he skipped from her stomach right to her thighs and worked his way down her legs.

“Patience,” he whispered.  Yup – it was getting to him.  His command voice was no longer quite so commanding.  He thoroughly kissed her legs and ankles before slowly moving his way upward.

Then all rationale thought left her as his fingers gently stroked her.  One finger slid inside her and the sensations were overwhelming.  He kept up the pressure, gently rubbing her as his mouth hungrily sought hers.  All too soon, she saw stars as she clenched around his finger and orgasmed. 

“Syl, I’ve got you,” he gently whispered as he held her through the waves of pleasure. 

“WOW!”  She said as she finally came down to earth and recovered the power of speech.

“Was that okay?”  Chris asked with a bit of hesitation in his voice.

“That was more than okay.  It was incredible! Hot! Phenomenal!”  Sylvia exclaimed.  “I could babble a stream of superlatives, but I’d much rather take care of you,” she said as took the soap from him.

“Syl, as much as I’d love the same treatment, I don’t think I can last.”

She reached out and grasped his length which was rock hard and leaking.

“Especially if you do that” he gasped as he had trouble getting words out.  His eyes were closed, and he was breathing hard.

“Then I want you inside of me.”  She leaned her back against a ledge on the wall of shower.  It was a perfect angle for Chris to slide right in and sheath himself deep inside of her.  She grabbed onto his shoulders as she moved in time with his thrusts, deeper and harder until they both exploded in a burst of pure bliss. 

They collapsed against each other and tried to catch their breath.  He finally pulled his head up and said “Wow!”

“I agree.  Definitely worth waiting for!” 

They just stood there holding each other under the spray of the warm shower.

“We’re wasting water” Chris observed without moving a muscle to do anything about it.

“Actually, we’re not.  All of the water on starships is recycled.”  Sylvia said. “But I’m sure you don’t want me to go into the details of Starfleet’s water conservation programs.”

“You know I’ll listen to whatever you have to say but thank you for sparing me the details right now.”

They cleaned up and wrapped themselves into warm towels, then quickly dried off and got ready for bed. 

“Sorry to keep asking but are you sure that was okay?  Probably wasn’t what you were expecting for our first time.”  Chris asked.

“Chris, as I said before, that was more than okay.  Oh my god!  That was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.  I will admit, I was somewhat surprised…but it was a good surprise.  I was thrilled to learn you have a kinky side.”

Chris turned a bit red.  “I don’t know if I’d put it that way…but I’m game for trying almost anything with you.  Of course, sometimes it can just be sweet and romantic as well.”

“Agreed.  But I want the opportunity to play Captain.  After all you know, I was a Captain in the Mirror Universe.”  Sylvia smirked.  “But don’t worry, I won’t kill my Captain to gain that power here.”

“Relieved to know.  And I look forward to obeying your orders.” Chris said.  “But now, I think we need to get some rest.”

“What time are we meeting with the Admiral?”

“0800.  So, I’m setting the alarm for 0700 so we can grab some breakfast first.”

Chris lowered the lights in the cabin, and they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

\---------

The next morning, Chris replicated breakfast while Sylvia finished getting dressed.  She came out to find him sipping his coffee and reviewing notes on his PADD.  He smiled as she joined him, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Chris, what’s wrong?” Sylvia asked, proud of herself for not taking it personally, finally believing in the depth of their relationship and his feelings for her.

“4 more crew members died from their injuries last night.  That brings the death toll from the battle to 23.  That’s 23 souls who’d entrusted their lives to my command.”

Sylvia could tell he was beating himself up.  She leaned over and put his hand on his shoulder.  “Chris, as you said last night, it’s completely arbitrary who lives and dies in battle.  And, if I’d been 6 seconds slower in deactivating the torpedo, you and I would’ve been on that casualty list.”

“I know.”  Chris looked up at her.  “But that doesn’t make it easier.  Especially since 2 of them died while you and I were having mind-blowing sex in the shower.”

“So, if we hadn’t had sex, or if it had just been mediocre, they would’ve lived?”  Sylvia didn’t mean to sound unfeeling as she tried to point out the flaws in his logic.

“Of course not.” Chris replied with a chagrined look on his face.  “I know it makes no sense.  I just can’t stop feeling guilty.  As I said, you’re not the only one with survivor’s guilt.”  He finally put down the PADD and gave her his full attention.  “I’m sorry for being so distracted this morning.”

“Chris, you don’t need to apologize.  I can only imagine how horrible it is to lose somebody under your command, even if there was nothing you could’ve done to avoid it.”  She reached out for his hand before continuing.  “And as much as hate to see you beat yourself up, your compassion and your sense of duty is what makes you such a great captain…and person.” 

“Thank you.” He brought her hand up to his mouth to gently kiss it.

“So, you ready for the meeting with the Admiral?” as he clearly attempted to change the subject.

“Honestly, I have no idea.”  Sylvia paused to collect her thoughts.  “You know, the relationship you have with the Admiral is…different.  In watching the two of you interact, it often seems less like Captain and Admiral and more like…close friends or family.”

“That’s because we go back a long way.  We were at the Academy together, even though she was three years ahead of me.”

“Were you ever involved?”

“You mean romantically?  Never.  Our relationship is more like sister and brother, with her as the annoying big sister… “

“…And you as the obnoxious kid brother?”

“Yup” Chris said with a smirk.

“While your relationship is platonic, it blurs the lines between professional and personal just like ours does.”

“I know.  Sometimes we’re conversing as Admiral and Captain; other times as close friends or even family.  And let’s not forget she’s also a trained therapist and she tries to psychoanalyze me at times.  It can create whiplash for anybody participating in our conversations.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sylvia said.  “I will admit, I’m a bit nervous about this meeting.  Our conversation with her last night was a blur, given how exhausted we were.”

“Just be yourself.  She’s fond of you and I believe that she’ll try to help us.”

\-----

As Chris and Sylvia arrived at the Admiral’s ready room, the door opened and out walked Chief Engineer Louvier. 

“Captain, Ensign.  We were just talking about you.  I understand that congratulations are in order about your relationship.”

Chris and Sylvia were both stunned.  “Thank you,” Chris stammered.  Fortunately, Louvier didn’t appear to notice their discomfort.

“Captain, I’ll tell you what I told the Admiral.”  Louvier pointed to Sylvia as he continued.  “She’s brilliant.  Even though I just met her yesterday, I need her in Engineering. If there’s a conflict because of what’s going on between the two of you, well sorry, but I chose her.  No offense Captain.  I like and respect you, but her brain is amazing, and we must have it on our team.”

“No offense taken.  Her brain _is_ amazing.” Chris responded graciously.

“Well, I must get back to Engineering. Goodbye Captain.  See you later Ensign.” Louvier said as he set off down the hall, completely oblivious to the fact that he left Chris and Sylvia standing there with dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

Chris turned to Kat, who had appeared in the open doorway and asked in clipped tones “What the hell was that all about?  You went behind my back and informed my senior officers?”

“We’re not going to have this conversation in the hallway.  Get inside and take a seat.” Kat instructed.

Once they were seated in her office with the door closed, Kat continued.  “And I didn’t inform all of your senior officers.  Louvier is the only one I told.”

“Why did you have to tell him?  I was planning to speak to all of my senior officers today.”  Sylvia could tell that Chris was really pissed and was making no attempt to hide it. 

“I told him because it would be less intimidating coming from me than from you, especially since he will be Ensign Tilly’s direct superior.  That’s assuming you both stay on the Enterprise for the 5-year mission.”

“In what universe is an Admiral less intimidating than a Captain?” Chris demanded.

“When the Admiral is more emotionally objective that the Captain.  If Louvier had concerns about Ensign Tilly joining his team, he’d be more comfortable telling me.  It’s clear that you’re not objective here.” 

Kat turned to Sylvia as she continued.  “As you heard, you certainly made a great impression on Louvier yesterday, and he’d be thrilled to have you in Engineering.”

“Thanks,” said Sylvia.  She blushed at the compliment but was distracted by Chris’s attitude.  She knew he was dealing with survivor’s guilt from yesterday’s battle, but he needed to chill out.  It was good that he and Kat had such a close relationship because his behavior was skirting the lines of insubordination.

“Are you planning on telling Una, Phil and the rest of my senior officers, or am I allowed to do so?” Chris asked with a continued edge to his voice.

“You can do so.  I just want to make sure that you’re fully committed and thought it through before you go public within Starfleet.”

“Nope, Sylvia left her family on Discovery and we’re both risking our careers on a mere whim!”  Chris said sarcastically. “Of course, we’re fully committed and thought it through.  We wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“Chris, lose the attitude.  You’re acting like an ass!”  Sylvia hated to attack him like that, but he _was_ acting like an ass.  It was clear that the Admiral was just doing her job and trying to help.

“Chris, I _love_ the fact that she calls you on your shit.” Kat said with a smile.

Sylvia watched as Chris took a few deep breaths, obviously forcing himself to calm down and lose his anger.

“You’re right.  I’m acting like an ass and owe both of you an apology. As Syl knows, I’m dealing with some strong guilt and devastation over the climbing death toll from yesterday’s battle.  That’s no excuse, however.  I guess I need to explain the reason behind my attitude.”  He said.

“We’re listening,” said Kat.  “And you know I’m always here for you, if you want to talk about the survivor’s guilt,” she couldn’t help but add as a former therapist.

Chris nodded his thanks at Kat’s offer as he continued.  “My senior officers and I are very close.  I know that’s true on many ships, but it’s even more so on the Enterprise.  Being out of contact during much of our 5-year mission - plus the shared sense of frustration over sitting out the Klingon war – created some very tight bonds.  I know that when they hear about my relationship with Sylvia, they’re going to have some questions and some potential concerns.  It’s very important to me that I be the one to tell them and address them up front.”

“What questions and concerns?” Sylvia softly asked.  “And why haven’t you shared them with me?”

“Because there’s nothing to share yet.  At this point, I’m just speculating.  But I’m guessing that they might wonder if it’s a midlife crisis, with the middle-aged captain falling for the hot young ensign.”

Chris gathered his thoughts before continuing, trying to express himself in a way that would make Kat and Sylvia understand why this was so important to him. 

“I know my senior officers care about me as a person – as I do them.  They all think that my first and true love is the Enterprise.  While I still care deeply about my crew and my ship, for the first time in my life, I’ve found somebody with whom I’m profoundly and madly in love.  I want my officers to understand how important Sylvia is to me.  I want them to understand how lucky I am to find somebody who sees through my “masks” and truly gets me, and who wants to spend the rest of her life with me.  And at the end of it, I want them to be happy for me, for us.  That’s why it’s so important to me to be the one to communicate it to my officers.”  Chris said with a voice that was wavering slightly with emotion.

Sylvia and Kat were silent for a moment, absorbing what Chris had said.  Sylvia unconsciously reached out for Chris’s hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“Chris, I’m sorry if I jumped the gun here.  I honestly thought I was doing the right thing by talking to Louvier.  I’ll let you take the lead in communicating to the rest of your officers.”  Kat said.

“And again, I’m sorry for acting like an ass.” Chris said. 

\----

Later that morning, Chris had a staff meeting with his senior officers, at the end of which he shared his personal news. 

He had been able to first tell Una in a private conversation.  The two of them were very close but had never been romantically involved.  Instead, they were just friends – very close friends.  They’d never wanted to risk their friendship, not to mention the complex dynamics of the Captain/First Officer relationship, by trying for anything more. 

Una wasn’t completely surprised to hear about his relationship with Sylvia.  She’d felt the tension in the air when Chris came down to the briefing room where Tilly was disarming the torpedo.  She was happy for them and was more than willing to act as a mentor and commanding officer for Sylvia.

As Chris had hoped, after he shared his personal news, there was an outpouring of support and congratulations from his senior officers.  He could tell that they were truly happy for him.

That is until Phil asked. “Not to be insensitive, but are you sure the Ensign’s feelings for you are real?  That it’s not just a crush, or worse, she’s not using your relationship as a fast track for career advancement?”

As Chris abruptly spun around to him in anger, Phil threw up his hands and said.  “Relax, Chris.  I’m not saying that’s the case.  I’m just playing devil’s advocate to make sure you’ve thought it through.”

Chris was pissed that Phil – who he considered a close friend – would even suggest such a thing.  He forced himself to unclench his fists and calm down before responding.  “Yes, I’m sure.  Sylvia and I didn’t just rip off our clothes and hop into bed immediately upon meeting each other.  We took the time to really get to know each other.  I’ve shared more about myself with Sylvia than I have with anybody else.  Ever.  Our romantic feelings grew out of that foundation.” 

Chris tried to control his temper before continuing.  “And as to your absurd accusation of sleeping her way to the top.  Well, the sad truth is that our relationship will hurt her career much more than it will help it.  Sylvia is very aware of that fact, and it should be self-evident to anyone who thinks about it.”

“What do you mean?” asked Louvier.

“For example, even if we’re allowed to stay on the Enterprise, Sylvia will likely have to drop out of the Command Track, since I personally oversee that program.”  Chris said.

“We might be able to work something out.  Create some type of alternate arrangement for Ensign Tilly.”  Una said.

“Maybe, maybe not.  Sylvia accepted that was a price she might have to pay.”  Chris continued.  “Plus, if any other crew member had done what Sylvia did yesterday - risking her life in de-activating that torpedo - I’d be putting that individual in for a commendation.  Because of our relationship, I can’t.”

“One of us could put in her in for a commendation.”

“That’s up to you.  If you do, I’m not even allowed to know about it until after the fact.”

“I see your point” Phil said. 

“The sad truth is that every accolade or commendation, every promotion Sylvia receives, could be colored through the lens of her relationship with me.”  Chris said.  “I’m just incredibly lucky that she wants to be with me in spite of it.”

“I’m sory Chris.  I wasn’t trying to be a jerk.  I am glad that you’ve found someone to share your life with.  I just didn’t want to see you get hurt.” Phil said apologetically

“Apology accepted,” Chris said gruffly.  He knew that Phil was looking for some assurance that their friendship hadn’t been damaged; he just wasn’t quite ready to let him off the hook and give it to him.

\-----

_Later that evening._

Chris was walking down the corridor towards his quarters.  After a long conversation with Kat in her therapist capacity, he felt calmer and more at peace.  Kat helped him understand why he’d been angry and on edge all day. 

At first, he hadn’t even recognized his anger since, on the surface, everything seemed great.  They’d defeated Control.  While the death toll was high, this wasn’t Chris’s first time experiencing the human cost of battle.  On a personal level, he was thrilled to be living openly with Sylvia with the full support of the both the Admiral and his officers.  The incident with the torpedo – while terrifying at the time – turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it allowed Sylvia to immediately gain widespread respect from the Enterprise crew.

It wasn’t until he met Sylvia for lunch in their quarters that she forced him to acknowledge his volatile emotional state and do something about it.  He thought back to their earlier conversation.

_“Chris, what’s going on with you today?”_

_“What do you mean?” he asked as he tried to distract her by running his fingers through her hair and kissing the back of her neck._

_“You’ve been uncharacteristically angry all day.  You bit the Admiral’s head off during our discussion this morning, and I heard you did the same with Dr. Boyce during your senior officers meeting.  This isn’t like you, so I repeat, what’s going on?” Sylvia persisted._

_Since he could tell that she wasn’t going to be deterred from her line of questioning, he finally admitted “I guess it’s what we were talking about at breakfast.  My survivors’ guilt is resurfacing, as my personal happiness is colliding with the rising death toll from yesterday’s battle.”_

_“So, what are you doing about it?” Sylvia gently asked._

_“I’m not sure there’s anything “to do” about it.  It should settle down again after a few days.” Chris said as he tried to reassure her._

_“Maybe so.  But how much damage will it do to your personal relationships in the meantime?  Plus, the crew is in a vulnerable state right now and they need an emotionally stable captain, not one who’s visibly dealing with his own demons.” Sylvia continued in a soft but firm tone of voice._

_“So, what is it you want me to do?”_

_“Talk to a therapist.  I think you should take the Admiral up on her offer to help you.”_

_“Syl, I’m not sure that’s necessary.  Plus, with everything going on, that’s not that highest priority right now.”_

_“I strongly disagree.”  Sylvia wrapped her arms around Chris and pulled his head down so that she could look him in the eyes.  “Your emotional state is a high priority for everyone on this ship.”_

_“And, if that’s not reason enough,” she pleaded.  “Please do it for me.”_

_As he gazed into her eyes that were pooling with unshed tears, he knew he couldn’t refuse her.  God, he would do almost anything for this woman._

_“Okay,” he said.  “I promise I’ll make an appointment to see Kat later this afternoon._

_“Thank you,” she said as they sealed the promise with a kiss._

Kat had been pleasantly surprised that he’d taken her up on the offer to talk.  He couldn’t help but smile as they discussed the reason why he’d sought her out at the end of his shift.

_“So, let me guess.  Tilly convinced you to talk to me.” Kat said._

_“Yup.  How did you know?”_

_“Really Chris?  How many decades have we known each other?” Kat asked with an incredulous look on her face.  “And in all that time, I’ve never seen you voluntarily agree to talk to a therapist.  You’ve always felt it was your duty to be stoic and carry your burdens alone.”_

_“Well, let’s just say Sylvia was quite persuasive.” Chris said._

_“You know, when I first suspected something was developing between you and Ensign Tilly, I was concerned.  Given the differences in your ages and ranks, I didn’t see how it could end well.  But now, after seeing the two of you together, it’s clear that you have something special.  She’s good for you and I’m happy for you.  For both of you.”_

_"Thanks Kat.  That means a lot.”_

While his session with Kat didn’t magically eliminate his survivor’s guilt, it helped him put it into perspective.  He was slowly starting to realize that he was unapologetically allowed to be happy.  Kat also suggested some techniques to help him deal with the guilt before it triggered his anger.  He agreed to further sessions with her over the course of the next week as the crippled Enterprise slowly traveled back to Earth. 

He entered their quarters to find Sylvia curled up in a chair, engrossed in reading something on her PADD.  She was casually dressed, with her hair loose and cascading in curls down in her back.  She had obviously replicated food for their dinner, as an enticing scent wafted in the air.  The simple domesticity of the scene filled his heart with warmth.

“Hi,” he said as he made his way over to her.

“Hi,” she said, looking from her PADD with a soft smile.  “You seem calmer.  Did you have a good session with Admiral?”

“Yes, thanks for making me go.  I hate to admit it, but it helped.”

She got up and wrapped her arms around him.  “I’m glad,” as she leaned in for a kiss.

“So, you hungry for dinner?” Sylvia asked.

“I’m hungry but not necessarily for food,” Chris murmured as he continued to hold her tight. 

“Patience, Christopher.” She said with a smirk, repeating his words from the previous evening.  “Let’s have dinner and then we can enjoy our dessert.”  Her mischievous smile left no doubt in his mind of the menu for the later part of their meal.

 

**To be continued**

 


	7. The Best of Times; the Worst of Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While recognizing the need to safeguard Discovery’s fate, purposefully lying to Starfleet doesn’t sit well with either Chris or Sylvia, as they prepare their official reports on the battle with Control. On a lighter note, Chris and Sylvia continue to forge their future together and Chris finally explains his F in Astrophysics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given Chris’s character, I felt that while he would appreciate the need for the deception, he would struggle with telling deliberate falsehoods in an official report to Starfleet. 
> 
> This chapter incorporates a few lines of dialogue from Such Sweet Sorrow Part 2. I have also provided a name to the admiral who led the debrief interviews (he was unnamed in the episode).

Chris looked at the bedside clock. 0400.  His mind was racing, and he knew further attempts at sleep would be futile.

He quietly slid out of bed and went out into the living room.  He didn’t want to wake Syl, since she’d been pulling long shifts in Engineering and needed her rest.

He gazed out the window at the star field generated by the ship traveling at warp speed.  They were only about halfway back to Earth since, given the damage the engines had sustained, they couldn’t exceed Warp 2. 

It had been five days since the battle with Control.   Five days since Discovery entered the wormhole to the future.  While repairs and cleanup were the primary focus, most of the crew were taking advantage of the opportunity to slow down and catch their breath.  From Chris’s perspective, the past few days had been a rollercoaster of personal ups and downs.  What was that quote... _it was the best of times; it was the worst of times?_  

The best of times was his relationship with Sylvia.  For starters, their sex life was incredible.  They’d christened practically every surface in his quarters.  He’d never been as uninhibited and adventurous, and as willing to relinquish control as he was with Syl.  Being her “captive” when she played Mirror Captain Tilly had to be one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced.   (Hell, he was getting hard just thinking about it.  It took every ounce of self-control he had not to go back in the bedroom and “accidentally” wake her up.)

They were growing closer every day, as they continued planning for their future.  Of course, there were minor frustrations as they got used to living together.  Syl complained that he was a blanket hog, and her tone last night had a definite edge to it.   From his perspective, while he loved running his fingers through her curls, he was far less enthusiastic about the clumps of red hair that constantly clogged the drain in the shower.   All normal growing pains as they adjusted to becoming a couple.

So far, they were successfully navigating the professional and the personal boundaries onboard ship.  Sylvia was fitting in and finding her groove in Engineering, continuing to gain the respect of their colleagues.  Of course, while equal partners in the privacy of their cabin, they were fully professional as Captain and Ensign on duty.  The next challenge would be making off duty appearances together as a couple, starting with the “thank god we’re alive” celebration tomorrow evening in the Mess Hall.  He was confident they could strike the right balance.

So, for the worst of times….

The death toll from the battle finally stabilized at 27 fatalities.  He knew it could have been worse.  Much worse.  Some might say it was a small price to pay for defeating Control.  But behind that number were individuals, each with their own unique stories.  Some of them he knew personally; others had more recently come on board.  But he’d owed it to each of them to read their files, learn about them from their coworkers and write personal condolence notes to their families.  He also made sure they were all properly recognized at the Memorial service held the previous day.

Syl had been concerned that the memorial and condolence letters would further trigger his survivor’s guilt.  Fortunately, his sessions with Kat, in addition to Syl’s unwavering support, had helped immensely and he’d been able to avoid lashing out in anger.

What was weighing most on his mind, however, was the deception that he and the Admiral were about to perpetuate on Starfleet.  A deception that would involve his Bridge crew, Sylvia and others.  (Luckily, Po as well as Spock’s parents had diplomatic immunity and couldn’t be questioned).  While he understood and agreed with the need for the deception, it still bothered him.   He’d never been a believer in the concept of “the ends justify the means”.

He was momentarily startled by Syl coming up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head on his shoulder. 

“You’re brooding again.”

“Sorry.  I tried to let you sleep.”

“The bed got lonely.”  She kissed the side of his neck before walking over to join him looking out the window.  “You’re thinking about our report to Starfleet.”

“Yeah.  We’re lucky that we’ve able to put them off for now.”  They had used damaged comms as an excuse.  “But we’re going to be grilled for details as soon as we get back to Earth.” Chris said.

“And you’re torn between telling them the truth like a proper Starfleet Captain.  And risk the security of the galaxy by informing them that Discovery went to the future with the sphere data.  Or lying to keep everyone safe.  Definitely a no-win situation.  But you know there’s only one viable option.”

“I know.  It’s just…while I’ve gone off script occasionally when necessary, I’ve never gone rogue to this degree.  This makes my refusal to turn over Spock to Section 31 seem almost trivial.”

 “It sucks.  I get it.  But there’s nothing you can do about it.  And you’re not doing it alone.”

“I know.”  He turned away from the window to face her.  “But that makes it worse.  Not that I don’t appreciate your support.  I just hate the fact that the Admiral and I are dragging you and the others into this deception.”

“And it’s not just lying to Starfleet that bothers me.  The friends and family of the Discovery crew will think their loved ones died.”  He continued.  “We’re putting them through a lot of unnecessary pain.” 

“I’m not sure the truth would help that much.  Hearing their loved ones were sent 950 years in the future – with no hope of ever returning – could be equally devastating.”  Sylvia replied.

“I know.  It just doesn’t seem right.”  Chris sighed before continuing.  “Perpetuating this lie will also be a lot of work.  I’m exhausted just thinking about it.  We need to make everyone’s stories match up without seeming scripted and rehearsed.  Plus, there’s the tough questions that we’ve yet to come up with answers for.”

“Like why I beamed aboard Enterprise with you right before the battle?” asked Sylvia.  “I know that’s going to be difficult to explain absent Discovery’s plans to jump to the future.”

“Obviously, I’m thrilled that you joined me on the Enterprise.”  Chris reassured Sylvia as he leaned over and kissed the top of her head.  “Besides, that’s not the only question we need to answer.  Another is why Nhan stayed aboard Discovery instead of returning to Enterprise, the ship to which she was officially assigned.”

“We’ve got a few days to figure it all out.” Sylvia said.  “In the meantime, let’s go back to bed.  We still have two hours before the alarm goes off.”

“I’m too wired to fall back asleep.”

“Who said anything about sleeping?” Sylvia asked, as she grabbed his hand and led him back into the bedroom.

\-----

6 days later

The Enterprise was finally back on Earth, and as expected, the Admiralty demanded an immediate debriefing of the battle with Control.  They insisted on in person interviews with Admiral Cornwall, Chris, Number One, Spock, Sylvia and Ash Tyler, while the remainder of the bridge crew and other key personnel could just provide written statements.

While they’d carefully avoided scripting their answers, they’d worked out approaches for some of the toughest questions.  They’d decided to use their vulnerabilities (e.g. Chris’s survivor guilt; Sylvia’s emotions. Chris and Sylvia’s personal relationship) as instruments of misdirection.  They’d also reminded themselves to keep their responses as succinct as possible, answering only the questions asked.  All to avoid revealing the truth of Discovery’s fate to Starfleet.  

Chris had finished his interview and was back in their quarters onboard the Enterprise.  His interview with Admiral Mircant had gone okay.  He’d been successful in guarding the truth about Discovery, although the conversation had been awkward and by design, a bit confrontational.

_Flashback to Chris’s interview…_

_“So, your official response is that Discovery exploded?” Admiral Mircant asked._

_“Yes.”_

_“Why did Commander Nhan stay on board Discovery instead of accompanying you back to Enterprise, the ship to which she was officially assigned?”_

_“She asked to stay behind, and I approved her request.”_

_“But why did she ask to stay onboard Discovery?” Admiral Mircant persisted._

_“We knew that Discovery was Control’s primary target, and that Leland would try to board the ship to obtain the sphere data.  Since Commander Nhan was extremely proficient in hand to hand combat, she felt she could be most useful in remaining on Discovery.”_

_“I see.  What about Ensign Tilly?”_

_“What about her?” Chris asked_

_“You’re in a personal relationship with her?”_

_“Yes.  We have already provided Starfleet with official notification of our relationship.”_

_“Is that why she beamed to Enterprise with you before the battle started?”_

_Ahh.  One of the tough questions.  Chris pretended to pause for a second, appearing to collect his thoughts before responding._

_“The honest answer is that I’m not sure why I asked her to beam to the Enterprise with me.  All I know is that I had a strong gut feeling telling me to do so, and in all my years of command, I’ve learned to listen to my instincts.”_

_“Was it because you thought that Discovery would be in more danger because it was Control’s primary target?”_

_“I don’t believe so.  I knew neither ship would be safe during the battle.  While all lives on Discovery were lost, there were numerous fatalities and injuries on the Enterprise.   Those sacrifices should not be overlooked.”  Chris allowed his anger to come through in the tone of his voice._

_“Captain, I assure you we are not overlooking the sacrifices made by the Enterprise crew during this battle.” Admiral said somewhat defensively._

_“Good.  And the death toll would have been worse if it wasn’t for Ensign Tilly’s heroic actions in de-activating the torpedo.”  Chris continued._

_“We are well aware of Ensign Tilly’s commendable actions.”_

_“Good.” Chris said in a clipped tone.  “What else?”_

_“What about Commander Burnham?”_

_“Commander Burnham went above and beyond before her death.  Section 31, whether by error or corruption, took its eye off the ball and is indirectly responsible for this catastrophe.”  Chris accusatorially said.  “All of the deaths on Discovery and Enterprise were a needless result of those actions by Section 31.”_

_“We agree the organization requires a radical overhaul and perhaps far more transparency.”_

He wondered how the others had fared in their interviews.  To avoid the appearance of collusion, they’d traveled separately to and from the Admiralty, but were going to meet up a bit later for drinks.  They’d chosen a bar near the old fishing pier not heavily frequented by Starfleet personnel, and agreed to wear civilian clothes.  Even if they were spotted, they would appear to just be colleagues having a farewell drink before heading out on leave.

After drinks, he and Syl planned to head directly to his house in Mojave.  Chris had already changed out of his uniform and was in the bedroom packing his stuff, when he heard Sylvia return.  He walked into the living room to greet her.

“Hey.  How did it go?” He asked.

“Okay.  After all that prep, it was actually a bit anti-climactic.”

“That’s good.”

“I guess.”  Sylvia shrugged.  “When he asked about seeing Discovery explode, I let my eyes fill up with tears before responding.  Then I purposefully babbled for a few minutes about how devastated I was that my friends and family were dead.  As we’d hoped, he quickly changed the subject rather than listen to my outpouring of emotion.”

“It sounds like everything went as planned.”

“It did.  But why do I feel so lousy about it?  Like I’ve done something wrong.  Like I’ve manipulated and cheated.” Before Chris could open his mouth to respond, Sylvia continued “And that was a rhetorical question.  I get why we had to do this. I just wish it didn’t make me feel so sleazy.”

“I know.  If it’s any consolation, I feel the same way.” Chris said as he walked over and enveloped her in a hug.

\----

A short while later, Sylvia and Chris were ready to head out.  Sylvia was surprised when Chris led her to the Shuttle Bay rather than the Transporter Room. 

“We’re taking a shuttlecraft down?”

“Figured we could take the scenic tour back to Earth.  It will make our travel to Mojave easier as well.”

“Nice!  I guess rank has its privileges.” 

Since she knew Chris was sensitive about taking advantage of any of the perks that came with his position, she added “Only kidding. This will come in handy if you need to pop back up and check on repairs during our leave.”  She was gratified to see a smile from Chris expressing appreciation that she knew him so well.

They both fell quiet to appreciate the view as Chris had the shuttlecraft do a slow orbit of the Earth, watching as the planet moved from day to night as they crossed the terminator line.

“That’s beautiful!  You know, I can’t count the number of alien planets I’ve visited, but I’ve never taken the time to appreciate the view of my own home world.  Thank you.”

“I figured we’d both appreciate the reminder of what we’ve fought so hard to preserve.” Chris said with a smile. 

——

Chris, Sylvia, Kat, Una and Spock were seated at the back of the bar, waiting for their first round of drinks. (Ash had begged off from joining them, citing a prior commitment.)  It seemed like all their interviews had gone as planned and that they’d been successful in keeping the truth of Discovery’s fate from Starfleet. 

After the waitress served their drinks, they raised their glasses in a toast.

“To absent friends and family. May they always live on in our memory.” Kat said.

“To absent friends and family!” They toasted.

The group fell silent as they sipped their beverages, each caught up in their thoughts and memories.  Syl decided she needed to lighten the mood before it grew too melancholy.

“So, I need your help with something.”  Sylvia said.  As she’d anticipated, they all looked up with inquisitive expressions on their faces.

“Chris has refused to tell me the reason for his F in Astrophysics at the Academy.  Since that’s so unlike him to fail a class, I know there has to be a story behind it.” Sylvia continued.

“Captain, I was not aware that you had failed Astrophysics.  I agree with Ensign Tilly that such a grade is not at all consistent with your character.  I would also be most interested in hearing the explanation.”  Spock said.

Chris groaned.  “I’ll get even for this later,” he whispered to Sylvia.

“Promises, promises Christopher!” Sylvia whispered back.

“When you two are done canoodling over there, let us know.  Or else, I’ll be happy to tell the story,” Kat threatened.

“It’s actually not that funny of a story.” Chris said.

“It actually is very funny.” Una retorted.

“All right, all right.  I’ll tell it.  But don’t blame me if you find it doesn’t live up to the hype!”

Chris paused for a minute to collect his thoughts.

“Well, one of my close friends at the Academy – Drew Cox – was madly in love with a fellow cadet named Rania from the colony on Rigel X.  She was playing it very coy, one day pretending to be interested in Drew, the next day flirting openly in front of him with other cadets.  So, on her birthday, he decided to make a grand romantic statement.  Something that would convince her that she was wasting her time with the other guys and that she should focus her interest solely on him.”  Chris said

“So, what did he do?  And more importantly, how were you involved?” Sylvia asked.

“With my help, he reprogrammed all of the telescopes.”

“For what purpose?” Spock asked

“So that on the morning of her birthday, they all simultaneously zoomed into a specific location on her home world where her brother had created a huge display saying, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANIA, TREASURE OF RIGEL X!”

“You reprogrammed every telescope at the Academy?” Sylvia asked.

“Not just at the Academy.  We remotely reprogrammed every telescope on Earth…and in orbit.” Chris clarified.

“Wow! That’s some statement!  So, was she impressed?” Asked Sylvia?

“They just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary – and are the parents of 3 children – so I guess so.” Chris smugly replied.

“I take it your professor – and the faculty of the Academy – were much less impressed.”  Spock said

Kat was laughing as she replied.  “That’s an understatement!  There was talk of expelling Chris and Drew from the Academy.  But they both had flawless records.  Plus, I think the head of the Academy was a closet romantic, so they merely received F’s in Astrophysics as their punishment.”

“Forgive me Captain, I fail to see why you didn’t anticipate those adverse consequences ahead of time.” Spock said.

“It’s called being young and stupid, Spock.  A condition which unfortunately afflicts many humans in their adolescence and early adult years.”  Chris said.

Sylvia started giggling.  “I’m sorry but I’m just picturing those serious astrophysicists starting their morning, expecting to see snapshots of stellar phenomena and instead being greeted with the sight of HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANIA. Their reactions must have been priceless!”

“So, I heard.”  Chris replied.  “I will admit it took me awhile to see the humor in the situation.  So, who’s next in the hot seat?  I can’t be the only one with an embarrassing story from the Academy.”

After Kat and Una each shared amusing stories from their Academy days, Chris turned to Sylvia.  “Okay, Syl.  Your turn.  I think everyone would be interested in the full story behind your trick in disarming the torpedo.”

Syl glared at him but he acted impervious.  He just smiled with his dimples wide as he softly muttered “You know what they say about payback.” 

She looked around the table at everyone’s expressions of interest.  Damn.   She wasn’t going to be able to get out of this.  And she couldn’t even blame Chris since it _was_ payback.

“You know how I said that I learned to de-activate a torpedo with harmonics through a training exercise at the Academy.  Well, that may have been a slight stretch of the truth.”

“You didn’t learn it at the Academy?” Kat asked.

“I did.  Just in a drinking game, not a formal training exercise.” Sylvia explained. 

“You’re fucking kidding me!” both Una and Kat exclaimed simultaneously.  They turned to Chris.  “Did you know about this?”

“Syl told me later that night.” Chris said.

“So, when I asked you how long it would take, part of the reason you didn’t know was because you had never done it while sober?” Una asked.

Sylvia nodded.  “Yup.  Am I in trouble?”

“Absolutely not.  The fact that you were able to take what you learned in a drinking game and use it to save the ship makes it even more impressive.” Kat said.  “Although I’m very glad you didn’t mention it at the time.”

“I agree,” said Una.  “What other skills did you learn through your Academy drinking games?”

“I can repair a shield generator while blindfolded.  Not sure if that’ll ever come in useful.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Una.

“I’m sorry.  I just don’t understand the appeal of drinking games.” Spock interjected.

“They’re a lot of fun in the moment, if not necessarily after the fact.” Chris said.

“They’re kind of a rite of passage.” Kat explained.

“If you say so,” said Spock, looking unconvinced.

“You don’t know what you’re missing Spock.” Una said.

\----

It turned out to be a pleasant evening.  They enjoyed a second round of drinks before deciding to call it a night.  Spock and Una beamed back to the Enterprise, with plans to depart on leave the following day.  Kat was heading back to the Admiralty to tie up a few loose ends before returning to her home in the Los Angeles area.  She promised to be in touch shortly with official word on whether Sylvia and Chris would be posted together on the Enterprise for the 5-year mission.

Chris and Sylvia took the shuttle over to Mojave, parking it behind his house.  His mom had obviously been by and the house was lit up like a welcoming beacon.  He looked over at Sylvia, who he could tell was a bit nervous.  He leaned over and gave her a kiss before saying, “We made it.  I can’t to show you around my home.  And, if you want it to be, _our_ home.”

To be continued

 ---

_ Ending Author’s Note _

_I’m envisioning 2 more chapters in this story._

_The next chapter will focus on Chris and Sylvia enjoying their leave in Mojave, with Sylvia meeting Chris’s mom (who is an absolute sweetheart) and Chris meeting Sylvia’s mom (can you say “unstoppable force meets immovable object”)._

_The final chapter will be Chris and Sylvia’s engagement and wedding.  I’m thinking of a slight twist to that chapter so that it doesn’t turn into a saccharine overload!_

_Any comments or suggestions are definitely welcomed!_

 


	8. A Maternal Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvia and Chris enjoy their leave together in Mojave. Sylvia confronts her mother (Siobhan) and finally changes the dynamic of their mother daughter relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains significant character development for Syliva. I felt she needed to resolve the relationship with her mother before she could truly make a lifelong commitment to Chris. 
> 
> This chapter also introduces June Pike who is Chris’s mom. June looks a bit like the actress Judi Dench. She is very warm and loving but doesn’t suffer fools or phonies.

Sylvia sat in a rocking chair on the front porch, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders to ward off the pre-dawn chill.  Her hands were clasped around a cup of hot tea, as she watched the sun come up over the horizon, casting vibrant shades of purple, orange and yellow across the desert sky.   It was truly breathtaking.  It was too bad that Chris was missing this spectacular sunrise, but she was glad that he was able to catch up on sleep. 

They were at the beginning of their second week of leave.  The time away was doing wonders for Chris, both mentally and physically.  He’d been excited to show her around Mojave, pointing out various spots of interest from his childhood.  They’d also discovered a mutual love of cooking and had eschewed replicated foods in favor of creating their own meals. Who knew that making a mean pot of chili was one of Chris’s many talents?

Unfortunately, there was one dark cloud on the horizon threatening the tranquility of their time off together.  And the name of the cloud was…Siobhan.

She and Chris were scheduled to have a video call that afternoon to share the news of their relationship with her mother.  She hoped that her mom would be happy for her.  Or rather, for them.  Unfortunately, based on experience, that wasn’t a realistic expectation.  Chris’s presence might cause her mother to start the call on her best behavior.  But she knew her mother wouldn’t be able to stop herself from shifting into ‘ _advice/criticism_ ’ mode. 

She also knew that it would be hard for Chris not to take control.  Not to try and protect her.  But he’d promised that he’d follow her lead in the conversation.  It was her battle to fight; not his.  But she’d draw warmth and comfort by having him at her side.

Sylvia shook her head.  This was ridiculous!  Here she was.  An almost 30-year-old adult.  A decorated Starfleet officer with multiple commendations for heroism and quick thinking under fire.  Yet her stomach was in knots at the mere prospect of a conversation with her mother.

She kept thinking if she just tried hard enough, her mother would finally recognize and support her achievements and decisions.  Thanks partially to the hours of therapy with the counselor aboard Discovery, she now realized that was a futile wish.  She couldn’t change her mother.  All she could control was how she chose – or chose not to – interact with her.  Deep down, she knew her mother loved her and wanted the best for her.  But she also knew her mom narrowly defined ‘the best’ as following in her footsteps with similar lifestyle choices and decisions. 

She sifted through memories of her childhood, trying to identify occasions when her mother had been visibly proud of her.  It didn’t take long to see a pattern.  The only times she received positive reinforcement from her mother was when she made choices that reflected Siobhan’s personal preferences.  Her mother was so pleased when Sylvia straightened her hair and lost weight in her early teenage years.  That pride quickly turned to disappointment, however, when Sylvia let her body and curls return to their natural state.

Her mother was also thrilled when Sylvia took basic diplomacy classes in her last year of high school to supplement her science and math course load.   Unsurprisingly, she was furious when she learned that Sylvia had only enrolled in those courses as grounding for her Starfleet career.  That led to the huge fight when she’d told her mother of her decision to attend Starfleet academy.  Of course, her mother never raised her voice during their arguments.  Instead, her mom had mastered the art of voicing extreme disapproval while coming across as totally calm and reasonable.  That made anyone arguing with Siobhan – especially her daughter - appear overwrought and emotional in comparison.

_Flashback to Sylvia’s senior year of high school_

_Sylvia vibrated with excitement as she let her mom in the front door.  Her mom had been off planet for the past week negotiating a peace treaty on Axiallan 5.  Sylvia had been eagerly awaiting her mom’s return so that she could share some very exciting news._

_“How was your trip Mom?”  Sylvia asked as she carried Siobhan’s suitcase into her bedroom._

_“Exhausting but productive.”  Siobhan exclaimed as she started putting away her clothes.  “I swear the warring factions on Axiallan 5 were like spoiled children, fighting over a corner of the school yard.  It took days of skillful negotiation to persuade them that they could peacefully co-exist.”_

_Siobhan paused from her unpacking to look appraisingly at her daughter, who was practically bouncing in place as she leaned against the bedroom wall.  “Sylvia dear, please settle down.  You’re even more hyperactive than usual.  You’re giving me a headache.”_

_“Sorry mom.  I’m just so excited.”  Sylvia had planned to wait until her mother had fully settled in before sharing her news, but she couldn’t help blurting it out.  “I’ve been accepted into Starfleet Academy.  Isn’t that fantastic!”_

_Siobhan sighed.  “Oh Sylvia, you know that you aren’t suited to a life in Starfleet.  I don’t want to be cruel, but you know that you’ve never been very athletic, and Starfleet has very stringent fitness requirements.”_

_“Well obviously, the Starfleet Academy Admissions Board disagrees.  They accept less than 1% of their applicants.  And they chose ME!”_

_“Be that as it may, you’d be much better suited to the Diplomatic Corps.  The physical fitness expectations are much less rigorous.  Plus, I’m sure you could find a way to apply your scientific and engineering knowledge to various diplomatic situations.”_

_“Mom, I don’t want to be in the Diplomatic Corps.  I am going to attend Starfleet Academy.”_

_“We’ll talk about it later, dear.  I’m exhausted and want to get some rest.” Siobhan said, ending the conversation and dismissing her daughter for the evening._

_Sylvia left her mom’s bedroom, closing the door behind her.  Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but she refused to give into them.  She mentally chastised herself for expecting a different outcome from the conversation with her mother.  It didn’t matter.   While she wanted her mother’s blessing, she didn’t need her permission since she would be 18 years old at the time of her enrollment in the Academy.  She WAS going to attend Starfleet Academy, no matter how her mother felt about it._

In thinking back to that discussion and the numerous ones that followed, Sylvia was impressed by the courage and strength of conviction showed by her 17-year-old self.   While it might have been mere teenage tenacity, she’d never wavered in her decision to pursue a career in Starfleet.

She needed to draw upon that same tenacity and courage and change the dynamic of her current relationship with her mother.  She still yearned for her mother’s approval and probably always would.  But she was NOT willing to change who she was and how wanted to live her life in order to achieve that approval.  She needed to make that clear, starting with this afternoon’s call. 

With that decision firmly established in her mind, she decided to crawl back under the covers for a bit.  She walked back towards the bedroom and stopped at the door, captivated by the sight of Chris on the verge of waking up.  His hair was tousled, his features were relaxed, and his face had a bit of a stubble.  He looked adorable. 

“Why are you standing all the way over there?” Chris asked as he slowly opened one eye.  “This bed is nice and warm, but lonely.”

Sylvia didn’t need much convincing as she walked over and climbed back into bed and settled into Chris’s arms.  “Good morning,” she said with a smile.

“Morning.” Chris said as he kissed the top of her head and snuggled close to her.  “When did you get up?”

“A while ago.”

“You’re still stressing out over the call with your mom?”

Sylvia nodded. 

“I’ve love to tell you to stop worrying but I know that you won’t.  So, I guess I’ll just have to distract you.”  Chris said as he covered her mouth with his lips and gave her a searing kiss that she felt all the way down to her toes.  The man was true to his word.  She was totally distracted and didn’t give her mother another thought for at least a few hours.

\-----

After lunch, Chris and Sylvia gathered around the video screen in the den.  Chris’s mom – June - had decided to join them. 

Sylvia had met June shortly after they arrived in Mojave and had felt an immediate connection to her.  Unlike her own mother, June was grounded and unpretentious and exuded an air of warmth.  It was easy to see how Chris had inherited his core values and integrity. 

June claimed that if the call went well, she wanted to be introduced to Siobhan since they were all going to be family.   However, Sylvia suspected that June was there to provide moral support. 

Right at 2 pm, the video call connected, and Siobhan appeared on the screen in front of Chris and Sylvia.

“Hi mom.  I want to introduce you to Chris---“

“-- -Captain Christopher Pike of the USS Enterprise.  We’ve already met.  I think it was about 6 years ago on Epsilon Centauri, at the celebration commemorating their entrance into the Federation.”   Siobhan interjected.

“You have a good memory, Ambassador.  It’s a pleasure to see you again” Chris politely replied, although Sylvia could tell by his expression that he had zero recollection of their previous meeting.

“Oh please, call me Siobhan.  Now I’m confused, why are you there with Sylvia?”  Siobhan’s eyes narrowed and a frown came over her face.  “Sylvia are you in trouble?  Is that why your captain wanted to speak with me.”

“No mother, that’s absolutely NOT the reason.”  Sylvia replied, trying not to feel like an errant schoolgirl being chastised by the principal.  “Chris and I have some personal news we want to share.”

“What type of personal news could the two of you possibly have to share?” Siobhan asked.

Sylvia reached for Chris’s hand as she replied, “Chris and are in a romantic relationship.  A very serious relationship.  And we just wanted to let you know.  I hope you’re happy for us.”

“Oh Sylvia” Siobhan sighed.  “I knew the Command Training Program was going to be too much for you.  I wish you would’ve have just dropped out instead of feeling pressured to become intimate with your captain in return for a passing grade.”

Sylvia jaw dropped.  She knew this conversation was going to be difficult, but she never imagined that her mother would accuse her of sleeping her way to the top.  She opened and closed her mouth, trying to gain control of her emotions before speaking.  She couldn’t even look at Chris.  She could only imagine the thunderous expression on his face.  After a few seconds passed and tears were still threatening to spill from her eyes, she decided to walk out of the room to calm down.

She was so happy June was there as she fell into her arms sobbing.  “How could my mom say something like that to me?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.  I could never imagine saying something like that to my child.”  June replied.  She gently pulled up Sylvia’s chin to look her in the eyes.  “But I do know that her remarks are a result of her own insecurities and issues.  They have nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done.”

“Thank you,” Sylvia responded gratefully.  “I hate the way my mother makes me feel.  This morning I resolved to no longer accept this treatment from her.  Yet, less than 2 minutes into the conversation she has me crying.”

“So, go back in there and do something about it.”

“I want to.  But I know as soon as I go back, I’ll fall into the same pattern of letting her talk over me.”

“So, don’t think of her as your mother.  Think of her as a hostile species to whom you’re giving an ultimatum.   Perhaps as a Command Training Program exercise.” June suggested.

“Oh my god!  That’s a great idea.” Sylvia enthusiastically replied. She couldn’t help but think of Chris as a role model.  Specifically, the ultimatum that Captain Pike had given the Ba’ul in the standoff over Kaminar.  “Thank you so much.  Not just for the suggestion but also for being here for me.”

“Anytime,” said June.  “You’re family.  Now get back in there and stand up for yourself.”

\---------

_Meanwhile, back in the den._

Chris had desperately wanted to follow Sylvia out of the room and console her but was relieved when he saw her fall into his mom’s arms.  He was thrilled that Sylvia was developing a close relationship with his mother.

Chris had gone cold with fury upon hearing Siobhan’s offensive words to Sylvia.  His fists were clenched, and his jaw muscles were so tight he was afraid they might snap.

He turned his attention back to the view screen, where Siobhan was shaking her head apologetically.  “Captain, I must apologize for my daughter.  I’m afraid that she lets her emotions get the better of her.”

“I’m afraid that you have that backwards.  You need to apologize _to_ your daughter, not _for_ your daughter.  Also, you owe me an apology as well.”  Chris frostily replied. 

“I’m confused.  What do I owe you an apology for?” Siobhan asked with a perplexed expression on her face. 

“For basically calling me the type of person who would shamelessly take advantage of someone under my command.”

“I didn’t mean it to come across that way.  I’m not blind to my daughter’s…umm…most prominent…attributes.  And I’m sure it was totally consensual.”

Chris shook his head.  He wasn’t even going to bother continuing down that path.  He changed his tack and said, “I actually feel sorry for you.”

“Excuse me.  Why do you feel sorry for me?”

“Because you fail to appreciate how amazing your daughter is!  Now I admit I’m biased, because I’m in love with her.  But she’s the smartest, bravest, most compassionate person I’ve ever met.  She’s saved my life and those of her shipmates on multiple occasions, putting herself at risk in the process.  She never fails to see the positive in any situation.  Frankly, her joy and enthusiasm are infectious.  I count my blessings every day that I get to share my life with her.”

\-----

Sylvia walked back in the den as Chris was finishing his impassioned speech.  She smiled on the inside upon hearing his words although they weren’t a surprise.  She was confident in how he felt about her.  She also suspected that his words would fall on deaf ears as far as her mother was concerned.

“There you are Sylvia.  You need to stop being so emotional my dear.  It’s quite unbecoming.”  Siobhan chided.

Sylvia let her mother’s words wash over her.  She kept repeating the mantra in her head ‘Hostile alien species. Hostile alien species.’

“Enough.  Mother, you have a choice to make.  A very important choice.” Sylvia said in a strident tone.

“What on earth are you talking about?  Sylvia dear, you’re not making any sense.”

“You can either start treating me with respect.  Or you can accept the fact that you will no longer be part of my life.  Your choice.  But either way, your verbal abuse of me and constant belittling of my decisions stops now.”

“Sylvia, you’re being much too sensitive.  Everything I say to you is for your own good.”

“It certainly doesn’t feel that way.  I don’t know whether you’re purposefully trying to put me down.  Or if you’ve just fallen into a toxic pattern of communicating with me.  And frankly, I don’t care.”  She took a deep calming breath and forced herself to coolly continue.  “But, either way, it ends here.” 

“What do you mean, you’ll cut me out of your life?”

“It means that you won’t be invited to my wedding.  It means that you won’t get to meet my children.  Frankly, you won’t even know whether I’m alive or dead.”

“You’re totally overreacting.  You can’t mean it.”

“Try me.  I’m totally serious.  It’s your decision.  Choose wisely.”  Sylvia said as she reached out and disconnected the call.

She looked at June and Chris, who were both staring at her with astonished expressions on their faces.

“Bravo, Bravo” June said as she started clapping, while Chris walked over and gave Sylvia a huge hug.

“How do you feel?” Chris asked.

“Amazing.  Numb.  Incredulous.  In shock.   I can’t believe that I actually said all that to my mother.”  Sylvia paused thoughtfully for a moment.  “Was I too harsh?  I don’t want to second guess myself, but I also don’t want to be cruel.  I know she does love me...at least in her own way.”

“You weren’t cruel.” June said.  “You just gave her some tough love.  Which was needed if the two of you are ever going to have any type of healthy relationship.”

“Syl, I agree.  Please don’t have second thoughts.  You did what was necessary.  While you may not feel like celebrating, you should never feel bad about standing up for yourself.”  Chris said as he gently kissed her head with his arms wrapped around her.

\----

_5 days later._

Sylvia, Chris and June entered the restaurant where they were meeting Siobhan for brunch. 

Sylvia had blocked Siobhan’s calls for the first 48 hours after their confrontation.  She’d wanted to give her mother time to think and reflect on their conversation.  When they did finally speak, Siobhan’s tone was much more conciliatory.  While she didn’t directly apologize to Sylvia, she did say she was sorry if her tone and choice of words came across as insulting.   Not ideal but it was a start.  It was enough for Sylvia to agree to see her again.

After greetings and introductions, they were seated at a table and began perusing their menus.  Sylvia was eager to try the restaurant’s world-famous cinnamon crusted French Toast.  She and Chris had gone on a brisk 8-mile hike that morning in anticipation of treating herself to the high calorie meal.

This first part of the brunch went well.  Siobhan was her most charming self.  She seemed sincerely interested in getting to know June and Chris as they exchanged social pleasantries and made small talk.  As the waiter served their coffee and tea, Siobhan shared humorous anecdotes from various off world treaty negotiations. 

Unfortunately, that all changed as the waiter started taking their brunch orders.

“I’ll have the cinnamon crusted French Toast, with a side of fruit,” said Sylvia as she handed the menu to the waiter.

“Oh Sylvia.  Are you sure want to eat that?  That’s so fattening.” Siobhan asked.

“Yes, mother.  I’m sure.” Sylvia calmly replied.

“Wouldn’t an egg white omelet be a better choice?  You know that you have to meet Starfleet fitness requirements.”

Sylvia turned to the waiter and politely asked “Can you please give us a minute?”

After the waiter withdrew from the table, Sylvia looked back at her mother and coolly inquired.  “What part of respecting my decisions and choices did you not understand?”

“Now Sylvia dear.  Please don’t overreact.  I’m just looking out for you.  Making sure that you understand the consequences of your actions.”

“Mother I’m an adult.  A successful and responsible adult.  I’m fully capable of anticipating the outcomes of my decisions and living with the consequences.”

Chris and June were silent observers to this exchange, although Sylvia drew strength from their unspoken support.

“I’m starting to think this was a mistake.  You’ll never change the way you treat me.  Perhaps it’s better to just make a clean break.”  Sylvia said as she started to get up from the table.   June and Chris were ready to follow her lead.

“Sylvia, wait.  Please.”  Siobhan said in a soft voice, sounding more vulnerable than Sylvia ever recalled.  “I love you very much and would be devastated not to be part of your life.”

“Then why do you treat me like a hapless child that’s a constant source of disappointment?”  Sylvia pressed as she cautiously sat back down.

Siobhan was quiet for a few moments.  She pointedly looked at Chris and June as she said “It’s a long story.  A highly personal one.”

“Chris and June are my family.” Sylvia said, with a not so subtle rebuke that she might not include Siobhan in that definition.  “Anything you have to tell me can be said in front of them.”

Siobhan nodded.  “This goes back to when you were very young.  Before you father died.  Before he left me.”

“Dad died when I was 4 years old.  In a fire aboard the USS Sumner.  He was a hero in getting everyone evacuated but was unable to get out himself.” Sylvia repeated the story she had been told about her father’s death.

“That’s all true.  But what you don’t know, is that he and I were separated for the 3 months prior to his death.”

Sylvia frowned as she processed her mother’s words.  “Why did he leave us?”  She had no memory of her parent’s separation.  Her father had been deployed so often when she was young that his absence hadn’t registered as anything unusual.

“Because our differences seemed insurmountable.  And we didn’t try hard enough to resolve them.”  Siobhan paused for a moment, appearing lost in thought. 

“We got married extremely young.  We were so much in love.  At the time, our opposite personalities just increased the mutual attraction.” Siobhan smiled to herself, obviously reliving a memory.  “At first everything was great.  We were both advancing in our careers – your dad in Starfleet, and me in the Diplomatic Corps.  While we were often apart, it only made our time together that much more intense and special.

“We were so excited when we found out I was pregnant with you.  We just hadn’t thought through what it would mean for our relationship and lifestyle.  Alf of a sudden, our personality differences became a source of contention rather than attraction.  Your father seemed to become even more impetuous and I became even more controlling.”

“So, was I to blame for the deterioration of the relationship between you and dad?”

“Absolutely not!” Siobhan said emphatically.  “You were the only blameless one.  Your dad and I let our emotions get the better of us, and we both stopped communicating and trying to work things out.”

Siobhan took a deep breath before continuing.  “It all came to a head about a week before he shipped out as Science Officer aboard the USS Sumner.”

“What happened, mom?” Sylvia gently inquired.

“We had a huge fight.  Said the most hurtful and nasty things to each other.  He stormed out the door and that was the last time I even saw or spoke to him.”  The memories were clearly getting to Siobhan as she appeared to fight back tears.  She gave an appreciative glance when Sylvia gently reached across the table and grasped her hand.

“I always thought your father and I would have time to work it out.  I was devastated to hear of his death aboard the Sumner.  It tore me apart to realize that we’d never be able to reconcile and take back those horrible last words that we’d said to each other.”

“Thanks for sharing all this, mom.  I honestly had no idea of what you and dad had gone through.  But I’m a bit confused on how it relates to…” Sylvia’s voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right words.

“…how it relates to my treatment of you?  Is that what you’re asking?”  Siobhan asked. 

Sylvia nodded.  She didn’t want to appear self-centered by turning the conversation back to her relationship with her mom, but she needed to understand the full picture.

“Well, after you father died, I was determined not to repeat the same mistakes with you.  I thought - misguided as it probably was – that if I tightly controlled you to follow in my footsteps, it would keep you safe.  So that’s what I did.”  Siobhan took a deep breath and looked Sylvia in the eyes as she continued.  “I am sorry.  I do love you and am very proud of all that you’ve accomplished.  Not just your Starfleet career, but also the person you’ve become.”

Sylvia nodded.  With a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes, she didn’t quite trust herself to speak.  She never thought she’d hear those words of acknowledgement from her mother. 

Siobhan looked at Chris, then back at Sylvia.  “I do want to be happy for your relationship.  And I apologize if this sounds controlling or condescending, but are you sure you’ve thought it through?  Given the difference in your ranks, you know there will at least be some ramifications.”

With a sideways glance at Chris, Sylvia said, “No apology necessary.  June asked the same question, as did Kat, I mean Admiral Cornwall.  And this answer is…we’re sure.  I could be perfectly happy leaving Starfleet if that was the only way to be with Chris.”

Chris quickly chimed in.  “And I feel the same way.  Our relationship is worth any ramifications.  Although we are going through all of the proper channels and taking the appropriate steps to minimize any adverse consequences.”

“Then I‘m happy for both of you,” Siobhan said.  “And June, I look forward to getting to know you as well.”

Before June could respond, Sylvia’s stomach growled loudly.  She turned beet red as everyone at the table turned to her and started laughing.  “Sorry.  Chris and I took a long hike this morning and I purposefully didn’t eat much today in anticipation of treating myself to the French Toast.”

“Well that’s easily fixed,” June said as she called the waiter over.  While Sylvia didn’t plan it that way, she was glad her grumbling stomach served to lighten the mood.

The rest of the brunch was pleasant and uneventful.  As their food was served, Chris shared interesting stories from the Enterprise first five-year mission.  And – to Chris’s chagrin – June relayed some funny escapades from Chris’s childhood.  Sylvia was glad they did the heavy lifting to keep the conversation going since she was emotionally spent from her mother’s revelations.

\-----

Later that evening, Chris and Sylvia snuggled together in the chaise lounge on the back patio, watching the sunset.  It was a clear evening, and the sunset was just as vibrant and breathtaking as sunrise had been the other day.

After they watched the sun dip below the horizon, Chris asked “So how do you feel after that heart to heart discussion with your mom?”

“Honestly, I don’t know how to feel beyond stunned and astonished.  Obviously, I’m thrilled that she finally voiced her approval and respect for me.  I’m devastated to learn about what happened to her relationship with my dad.  And frankly, I’m also feeling a bit adrift.”

“Why do you feel adrift?” 

“My mother’s disapproval has been such a constant in my life that I almost don’t know what to do without it.  I’m afraid that I’ll be lost without that as a motivator.”

Chris laughed as he said “Syl, I doubt you need anything more to motivate you.  You’re one of the most driven people I know.”

“I know.” Sylvia said with a smile. “Besides, it’s not like I expect it will be all smooth sailing going forward with my mom.  I’m sure that without my continuing to remind her, she’ll revert to her old ways at times.”

“Maybe.  But you should feel great about how far you’ve come with her.  Which would never have happened if you hadn’t stood up for yourself.”

“Hmm.”  Sylvia said with a big yawn as she snuggled more closely into Chris’s arms.  “This has been an emotionally exhausting day.”

Chris kissed her on the head as he said.  “Yes, it was.  But think of the future we have to look forward to.”

  

_To be continued._

_Author’s Note:  There will be one more chapter, which will be an epilogue._


	9. Epilogue:  A Different Type of Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Sylvia finally get their happily ever after, although it turns out to be different than they had imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will likely be AU for Discovery Season 3. I’m also using Star Dates to keep the reader from being confused. According to official canon, the events of Star Trek Discovery "Such Sweet Sorrow" occurred in Star Date 2259.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who have stayed with me throughout this journey with these characters!

**Star Date:  Unknown.  (Likely hundreds of years after Star Date 2259 – when the Battle with Control occurred.)**

**Location:  Unknown**

Michael groaned in frustration as she hit yet another roadblock.  It was a stressful time for Discovery’s crew.  Dedicating her few scarce hours of free time to the exasperating pursuit of a file encryption key was not helping her to relax!

The ship was lost _somewhere_ and _sometime_ in the future.  As First Officer and Captain respectively, she and Saru tried their best to maintain the morale of the exhausted and traumatized crew.  But it was an uphill battle.  The ship had been heavily damaged in their skirmish with Control.  However, instead of a safe Starbase in which they could take refuge, all they had was the desolate and foreboding landscape of the planet on which they’d unexpectedly landed.   A planet they’d appropriately christened “Hellscape”.  They tried to make the best of it as they set about making the most necessary repairs.

They also missed the crew members they’d left behind.  While Saru was doing an excellent job as Captain in a very trying situation, at times she longed for the calm demeanor and dry humor of Captain Pike.  Ensign Sylvia Tilly’s bubbly personality would have also been helpful in alleviating the morose atmosphere on the bridge. 

On a personal level, Michael felt Sylvia’s absence most keenly.  People didn’t understand why she kept rooming with Sylvia after her rank had been restored.  After all, as a commander, she was entitled to her own quarters.  The reality was that Sylvia was the first person in a very long time to pierce through the walls that Michael had erected to keep others away.  Sylvia was her first and best friend onboard Discovery.

She wasn’t surprised about the relationship between Sylvia and the Captain.  Or rather, Chris.  She knew that something was up with Sylvia’s frequent nocturnal disappearances.  After she’d mumbled his name in her sleep on multiple occasions, Michael’s suspicions were raised.  She started watching the two of them together – on the bridge, in the mess hall, in the conference room.  At first glance, their interactions seemed innocuous.  But when you looked beyond the surface, she saw the spark of mutual attraction.  It was clear they had a deeper connection.

She was happy for Sylvia.  For them both.  Although she dearly missed her roomie. 

When Sylvia gave her one last hug before beaming over to the Enterprise, she’d whispered something in her ear.  It turned out to be a specific file destination.

About 3 weeks after they landed on Hellscape, Michael finally had an opportunity to try and access the files.  She quickly came upon layer upon layer of encryption.  Michael couldn’t help but admire Sylvia’s evil genius.  Through turning the encryption key into a friendship quiz, she’d ensured that Michael was the only person who’d ever be able to decode and access the files.

Now if she could only remember the nickname that Sylvia had wanted to call her when they first met.   “Mikey”?  Nope.  The computer chimed “Incorrect Response”.  “Mike”?  No, that wasn’t it.   Suddenly it came to her.  “Mickey”.  She shuddered as she entered that name.  Thank god, she’d quickly disabused Sylvia from calling her by that…or any other other…nickname.

The computer indicated that was the correct answer and moved to the next question.  “What was the quote she shared with Sylvia on their first night together as roomies?”   Michael smiled.  This one was easy.  It was from her treasured “Alice in Wonderland” book that Amanda had read to her as a child.

 _“Sometimes down is up.  Sometimes up is down.  Sometimes, when you're lost, you're found.”_   Wow.  Sylvia had unintentionally created a metaphor for Discovery’s current situation.

The computer indicated “Correct Answer”.  Finally!  That apparently was the last question as a directory of files appeared on the screen.  Fortunately, they were numbered, so it was easy to see the one Sylvia wanted her to view first.

\------

The entire crew – less a skeleton staff still on duty – was gathered in the mess hall.  After playing the first file in private, Saru and Michael decided that a public viewing would provide a good morale boost. 

An anticipatory silence fell across the room as Michael hit play.  The video opened with Sylvia and the Captain.  No make that Sylvia and Chris, as they were clearly off duty.  They were sitting on a couch in what appeared to be the living room of their home.  They had big goofy smiles on their faces.  Chris’s arm was draped around Sylvia in a casual yet familiar manner as she snuggled into his right side.

“Wow, they look fantastic!” Owo exclaimed.

“Yeah.  He even looks younger than when he first came onboard Discovery.”  Detmer agreed.  It was common knowledge how Chris Pike had aged during his short tenure on Discovery, especially after returning from Boreth.

“It’s amazing what getting laid on a regular basis can do for you.”  Jett Reno dryly observed.

“Do you always need to be so crass?”  Paul Stamets grumpily asked.

“Oh, lighten up buttercup.  Once you’re medically cleared for more vigorous activities, I’m sure you and the Doc will be in much better moods.” Jett retorted.

Doc Hugh Culber smiled as he put his arm around Paul.  Any response Paul had was muffled in Hugh’s embrace.

“Can I resume playing the video or do we just want to keep talking?” Michael rhetorically asked.  She paused a few seconds before hitting play.

“Hi guys!  We’re married!!”  Sylvia exclaimed on screen, as she flashed her left hand showing her engagement ring and wedding band. 

“Yup, we’re officially husband and wife!” Chris said, beaming from ear to ear.

“We missed you all so much at the wedding.  It wasn’t the same without you.  Hopefully these clips will make it seem a little like you were there.”  Sylvia said.

The video shifted to what was clearly the wedding ceremony.  The sky was ablaze with vivid shades of orange and purple, as the setting sun cast shadows on a spectacular view of the San Bernadino mountains.  The guests were all seated, as Chris stood at the altar.  He looked gorgeous as always.  He was simply dressed in black pants and a white and blue tunic shirt that brought out the color of his eyes.   He looked so happy.  If his dimples were any more pronounced, they would split his face apart!  Next to him was Una who was serving as his best man (or rather, best woman).  They were joined by Admiral Cornwall, who was apparently officiating the ceremony.

Spock was first down the aisle, escorting an elegant woman with hair the same shade as Sylvia’s.  The woman appeared to have a reserved nature but was sporting a smile that lit up her face.

“That has to be Sylvia’s mom.”   Bryce said.

“Hmm.  From what I heard about Sylvia’s relationship with her mom, I wasn’t expecting to see her looking so happy about this wedding.”  Detmer said.

“Well, maybe Sylvia and her mother reached some sort of understanding.” Michael replied.  She knew how much Siobhan’s constant disapproval weighed on Sylvia.  She really hoped the look of apparent joy on Siobhan’s face meant Sylvia had been able to develop a healthier relationship with her mother. 

Next down the aisle was Phil Boyce escorting a graceful looking woman who had to be Chris’s mom.  While none of them had seen pictures of June Pike, the resemblance was unmistakable.

Her royal highness, Me Hani Ika Hali Ka Po (or Po for short) came down the aisle next as Sylvia’s maid of honor.  The last time they saw Po was in Engineering, frantically trying to charge the time crystal before the battle with Control.   Dressed in her ceremonial robes, Po looked every bit the regal queen of Xahea.

“Well, she cleans up nicely.” Rett commented.

“I’m just glad that she survived the battle.”  Said Michael.  They had all heard about Po’s escapades in a “stolen” Federation shuttle, and how her observations had turned the tide of the fight.

Finally, Sylvia came into view. 

“She looks amazing!” exclaimed Owo as the others voiced their agreement.

Sylvia was wearing a soft and flowing wedding gown that perfectly complemented her curves.  The gown came to her mid calves, which allowed her to show off a pair of rhinestone cowboy boots, embellished with white and blue beads that matched the colors of Chris’s shirt.  The ends of Sylvia hair were pulled back with a rhinestone clip, with baby’s breath flowers loosely threaded through her curls.

“I agree she looks beautiful.  The dress and boots are perfect for her.  But her radiant smile is what makes it truly breathtaking.”  Hugh Culber commented. 

“I agree.  Sylvia has such an effervescent personality.  But I’ve never seen her look so happy.”  Said Paul Stamets.

They all fell silent as they watched the exchange of vows.  The emotion and love shone through the traditional words that Chris and Sylvia repeated to each other.  More than a few of the individuals seated in the mess hall felt the need to wipe tears from their eyes. 

The mood changed as the video switched to the very lively reception.  The guests seemed to be a mix of Starfleet personnel (especially Enterprise officers) and assorted friends and family plus a local contingent from Mojave.  All of them appeared to be having a wonderful time.  The Discovery crew couldn’t help but laugh at some of the celebratory antics they saw on screen.

“I don’t know which was funnier.  Watching Spock attempt to line dance.  Or hearing the local minister describe some of Chris’s more colorful childhood escapades.” Said Owo, still chuckling.

“Definitely Spock line dancing.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a Vulcan move that way.” Rhys said.

“Well, I give him credit for trying.  Our mother would be proud.” Michael said.  It was true.  Amanda would be pleased to see Spock being adventurous and attempting human celebratory customs.

Later that day, Saru and Michael decided the event had been a success.  While it was more than a little bittersweet for the Discovery crew to watch the festivities from afar, the common viewing had brought them further together as a crew.  It lifted their spirits to see the joy and happiness of the beloved colleagues they’d left behind.    

\-------

**Star Date:  2269 (10 years after the battle with Control)**

**Location:  Mojave, Earth**

Paul Stamets couldn’t believe he was back on earth.  Or more accurately, back in the past on earth. 

All their views on time had changed.  They’d coined a new term “Body Time”.  They defined it as the time (expressed in Sol terms) their bodies aged no matter how much they were propelled from the past into the future and back again.

From a “Body Time” perspective, it had been 3 years since the Discovery Crew jumped into the future.  After spending the most of their first year marooned on Hellscape, they were finally able to perform the most critical ship repairs and complete another jump to their original destination - in both time and space - on Terralysium. 

After they were settled in on Terralysium, they were able to let their guard down and focus on matters beyond mere survival.  They met up with Dr. Burnham and the thriving colony she had created there.  While their level of technology was significantly more advanced then when Owo and Michael had originally visited New Eden, the inhabitants had retained their core values and strong sense of community.

With their newfound leisure time, many crew members couldn’t resist the urge to discover the fate of the loved ones they’d left behind.  Saru and Michael had initially considered forbidding such research.  But they’d ultimately agreed it was a personal decision that each crew member had to make for themselves.

It didn’t take them long to learn about horrific training accident that befell Christopher Pike.  While he eventually regained some of his mobility and speech capabilities, it was a slow and painful process.  Their hearts went out to Chris and Sylvia for having to suffer through such a devastating experience.

They all believed this was fate that Chris had sealed back on Boreth in exchange for the time crystal.  It certainly explained why he’d returned from that planet looking so haggard and grim.   Looking like he’d seen a ghost.  They marveled at the courage and strength of character it must have taken him (and Sylvia) to proceed with their lives, knowing what the future held. 

Paul couldn’t recall who’d initially raised the suggestion of mounting a rescue.  They quickly became enamored with the idea of bringing Chris, Sylvia and their 2 children to join them in the future.  The mechanical aspects of the rescue were complex.  But given all their engineering expertise, they were relatively straightforward to solve.  Instead of the red angel suit, they’d constructed a red angel capsule of the same materials.  They’d equipped the capsule with force field capabilities to hold back the Delta radiation while they snatched Chris from the damaged training vessel.  It turned out that Dr. Burnham had found a source of time capsules on a planet not too far from Terralysium.  Thus, what they thought would be their greatest technical challenge was easily overcome. 

However, the practical aspects of the solution were a breeze compared to the ethics.  Pike had obviously accepted this future when he took the time crystal on Boreth.  Did they have the right to interfere with that agreement?

Or as Saru had put it...Just because they _could_ rescue Chris, did it mean they _should_?  Many lengthy debates were held on that topic.  Paul recalled the meeting in which they made the final decision.

_“I don’t see what the big deal is.  We’ve messed with the timeline so much already, what’s one more instance?” asked Detmer._

_“I agree.” Said Jett.  “It’s like closing the barn door after the horse has not only left the barn but traveled across the continent and had its great great grandkids die of old age.”_

_“Do you realize how many analogies you just mangled?” Paul remembered asking.  He still didn’t know why Jett got under his skin so much.  He really did respect her.  He supposed it was just their way of communicating.  He continued.  “But with that said, I do agree.  It’s hypocritical of us to raise the issue now.  Especially after the entire crew of this ship jumped into the future.”_

_“And what about the original colony of New Eden?  Dr. Burnham rescued over ten thousand people off Earth during World War III.  That must’ve had an impact on the timeline.” Owo added._

_“But is this different because Captain Pike swore an oath to accept his fate?”  Saru asked._

_“Do you think Control will magically re-materialize or the Universe will end if we rescue the captain?”  Hugh Culber asked._

_“That does seem far-fetched.” Saru acknowledged.  “I just wonder if the Captain will feel like he is reneging on his side of the bargain if we rescue him.”_

_“I think his courageous boarding of the training ship – with full knowledge of what it will cost him – equals fulfilling his side of the bargain.   If an unexpected rescue happens at the last minute, that does NOT negate the fact that he was willing to pay the agreed upon price.”  Michael rationalized._

With that, they’d all agreed to proceed with the plan, but to separately meet up with Sylvia first.  Not only would that allow them to coordinate logistical details, but she would be the best judge of how Chris would react to an unexpected rescue.

So now he and Michael were standing in front of Chris and Sylvia’s home in Mojave.  They originally planned to contact Commander Sylvia Tilly Pike in her lab at Starfleet Headquarters.  Her decision to take today off made the logistics much easier for them.  It also reinforced their suspicion that she was aware of the tragedy that was going to happen to her husband that day.

They walked up the front steps but before Paul could push the old-fashioned doorbell, Sylvia opened the door.  She gave them both a quick hug before ushering them inside.  Once in the foyer, Paul took a closer look at Sylvia.  On the surface she looked entirely the same.  But on further inspection, he could see the differences.  Not only the physical changes with 10 years of age such as tiny crows’ feet around her eyes and a few tendrils of grey mixed into her red curls.  She also displayed a much greater level of maturity, from the way she carried herself to the tone of her voice.  Paul’s thoughts were interrupted by another hug from Sylvia which he happily returned. 

“Not that I’m not thrilled to see you.  To see both of you.  But what are you doing here?” Sylvia asked.  Any doubt that she knew the significance of the date was eliminated when she added.  “Especially today of all days.”  As they looked closer, they could see the redness in her eyes.  Obviously, she’d been crying but trying to hide it.

“We need to talk.  We have a plan.”  Michael explained.

Sylvia looked pensive for a moment, before leading them into the living room.  There they saw Chris and Sylvia’s 4-year-old twins, happily constructing a fort out of blocks. 

“Michelle.  Robert.”  The twins looked up as their mom called their names.  Michelle looked like a miniature replica of Sylvia, down to the red curly hair and porcelain skin. Robert had wavy red hair, but clearly had Chris’s jawline and eye color.  “Please say hi to Paul and Michael.  They are friends who used to work with daddy and me.”

The twins waved and said hi, before turning their attention back to their mother.  “Since I need to chat with Paul and Michael, I’m going to let you watch an episode of your favorite video.”  From their enthusiastic reaction, it was clear that videos were a special treat for the Pike twins.

“Make yourselves comfortable,” Sylvia said as she followed the children out of the room.  “I’m just going to get these munchkins settled in the den and I’ll be right back.”

Once they were alone in the room, Paul turned back to Michael and said “Wow.  I feel like my head’s going to explode.”

Upon receiving the obligatory raised eyebrow from Michael in response, he tried to elaborate. “I mean, I knew that Chris and Sylvia were married with kids.  Just like I knew that Sylvia would be 10 years older.  But theoretical knowledge is different than seeing it firsthand.”

Michael nodded.  “I understand.  I must admit to feeling some dissonance myself.   It seems almost impossible that Sylvia and Chris could have 4-year-old children, when it seems like we just left them three years ago.”

“They’ve clearly made a home here.”  Paul looked more closely around the room.  While it was neat and clean and decorated with the warm colors and accents of the American southwest, it was most definitely lived in.  Between the children’s toys stored in the corners of the room, and the photos and children’s drawings scattered across the walls and surfaces, this was clearly a home filled with love. 

Paul’s inspection was cut short by Sylvia coming back into the room.  “You and Chris have a lovely home,” he said.

“Thanks.  We’ve tried to make it a special place for us and the twins.”

“Speaking of which, the twins are adorable.” Michael chimed in.  “Michelle looks exactly like you.”

Sylvia smiled and nodded.  “Thanks.  I hear that a lot.  The funny thing is her personality takes completely after Chris.  She’s our little daredevil and future test pilot.  And by the way Michael, she’s named after you.”

Seeing that Michael was overcome with emotion upon hearing that she was Michelle’s namesake, Paul kept the conversation going by asking “What’s Robert like?  Also, who’s he named after?”

“He’s named after Chris’s dad.  And he’s more of a blend of both of us.  While he willingly joins in on Michelle’s adventures, he’s a bit more thoughtful and reserved.”  Sylvia paused for a minute before continuing.  “As much as I love talking about the kids, I’m sure that’s not why you’re here.  What’s your plan?”

Paul turned to Michael.  She nodded for him to continue, so he launched into the details of their plan.  The red angel time capsule.  The force field to hold back the radiation.  The intent to bring all of them – Chris, Sylvia and the kids to the future.  Sylvia listened without interrupting, another indication of her increased level of maturity. 

When he was done, there was a moment of silence before Sylvia finally spoke.  “Thank you.  I do appreciate all the trouble you’ve gone to for Chris.  For us.  But I need to know a bit more about the plan before I agree to it.”

Paul again exchanged glances with Michael.  This time she took the lead.  “Are you concerned about disrupting the timeline?  If so, we’ve discussed it to death and believe the risk is negligible.  Even if the captain…I mean Chris…supposedly sealed his fate on Boreth.”

Sylvia emphatically shook her head.  “That’s not my concern.  Chris might feel he’s reneging on the bargain, but he voluntarily boarded that training cruise knowing what it would cost him.  What it would cost us.  I’d say he’s more than held up his side of the deal.”

“Then what’s the issue?” Paul blurted out.  He was confused. He’d thought Sylvia would enthusiastically jump at their plan.

“I need to know what type of place I’m bringing the kids to.  This is their home and they have a wonderful life here.  As much as I want to spare Chris from this horrific fate, and as much as I want to be able to kiss and hold my husband again, our needs are secondary.  Our primary concern is making sure the twins have a safe and secure future.  If Chris were here, he’d say the same thing.”

Paul swallowed hard.  They’d failed to consider how much parenthood would have changed Sylvia’s and Chris’s priorities.  Fortunately, he and Michael could put Sylvia’s mind at ease.

“I understand.  I can assure you that Terralysium is a wonderful place.  We have a large and thriving community including many families.  There are children of all ages from the original settlers.  Plus, some of your prior crew-mates are starting to have children.”  Michael explained.

“We wouldn’t suggest bringing you back with us if it wasn’t a great place for your entire family.”  Paul added.

Sylvia nodded, obviously taking it all in.  “Okay.  Now tell me again about the details of the rescue.  How will it work?”

Paul took the lead this time.  “We’ll first load the 3 of us and the twins into the capsule along with any possessions that you want to bring along.  We’ll then calibrate the capsule to appear the instant after the explosion.  The force fields will hold back the radiation long enough for us to grab Chris.  Once he’s onboard, we’ll open the wormhole to the future, and we’ll arrive at Terralysium in what will feel like 15 to 20 minutes.”

“How can you be sure that minute amounts of radiation won’t already have flooded the ship before you establish the forcefields?”  Sylvia pressed.

Paul and Michael looked at each other before Paul continued.  “We can’t be 100% sure but such trace amounts of radiation won’t be harmful.  As a safety precaution, we’ll go through a detox as soon as we get back to Terralysium.”  Paul was a bit puzzled by Sylvia’s questioning.  It wasn’t like her to be so cautious.

As if she could read his mind, Sylvia explained.  “It’s not my exposure that I’m concerned about.  Chris would never forgive me if I put our kids in danger.  Heck, I would never forgive myself.   Especially if they were exposed to any Delta radiation. No matter how microscopic the amount.”

Paul thought for a moment before suggesting, “What if we programmed an additional force field _within_ the capsule?  The children could stay behind that until Chris is onboard and the capsule door is closed.”

Sylvia nodded.  “That would work.  Thank you.”  Her eyes teared up as she continued.  “You have no idea how much this means to us.  I was hoping that some type of miracle would happen today to save Chris.  The two of you are the answer to my prayers.”  She gave pulled Michael and Paul into a communal hug, before pulling back and wiping her eyes.  “Now how do we get this show on the road?”

\------

**Star Date:  3209**

**Elapsed “Body Time” – about 6 hours since Chris’s rescue from the training ship**

**Location:  Terralysium**

From the back porch of his new home, Chris stared out at the night sky.  There were two moons visible to the naked eye and another one that could only be seen through a telescope. 

This was certainly not where and when he’d expected to end up when he’d kissed Sylvia and the kids goodbye earlier that morning.  (He knew that was 940 years ago; he had already adopted the “body time” definitions used by the rest of the crew.)  Walking onto that training vessel was the hardest thing he’d ever done.  It was one thing to accept the time crystal when it sealed a fate that was 10 years in the future.  It was another to meet that future face to face.  But a deal’s a deal, and he never even considered reneging on it.

When that time capsule appeared, he thought he was just hallucinating.  That it was his mind’s way of dealing with the trauma. 

_The training ship deck was a smoky scene of utter chaos with alarms blaring as he tried to get the cadets to safety.  The temporal wave distortion barely registered on his senses.  He did recall feeling surprised that he didn’t feel any burning pain from the Delta radiation, which he’d assumed was already devastating his body._

_It wasn’t until Sylvia poked her head out of the capsule and screamed. “Chris.  Over here” that he even noticed the capsule’s presence._

_“What?” he yelled back, utterly confused._

_Once he saw Michael and Stamets, he realized that it was a time capsule version of the red angel suit.  “We’re here to take you and your family to the future.  Where you’ll all be safe.”  Paul said._

_“My kids are in there?  You’ve put my kids in danger!”  Chris cried out._

_“The kids are fine.  They’re behind a secondary force field.”  Sylvia exclaimed.  “Now, Christopher Pike.  GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE NOW!  You’ve more than fulfilled your side of the bargain.”_

_Chris just hesitated for a second before scrambling into the capsule.  As the capsule doors closed, the force field released, and Sylvia and the twins fell into his arms.   He held them tight and tried to ignore the fact that his body was trembling with raw emotion._

The scene as he and his family exited the capsule at Terralysium was also one of utter chaos.  Fortunately, this chaos was of the happy variety.  After undergoing a brief physical examination and radiation detox, there was an impromptu celebration out on the plaza, complete with food and beverages.  He and Sylvia tried to greet everyone personally, both to become reacquainted and to thank them for their part in the rescue.

Eventually, the party wound down as the Pike family – especially the younger members – showed their exhaustion.  Michael escorted them to the house that had been set aside for their use.  Sylvia and Chris were touched beyond words as they saw the effort that had been put into making it a home for their family.  The children’s rooms were filled with their clothes and toys, with cheerful pictures on the walls.  And the master bedroom had been transformed into a cozy haven for the two of them. 

Chris couldn’t believe that he’d been given a second chance to fully live his life.  He just fervently hoped all of this was real and not some delusion his mind created while his battered body laid immobile in the Critical Care Unit of Star Fleet hospital. 

He heard the screen door open as Sylvia stepped out to join him on the porch. 

“The kids asleep?”  He asked.  “Sorry to abandon you with bedtime duty.  I just needed a few minutes to come to terms with everything.”

“No worries.  They’re both out like a light.  I think the events of the day caught up with them.”  Sylvia looked at him closely.  “You okay?”

“Yes.  No. I don’t know.”  He looked at Sylvia as she patiently waited for him to continue.  “Honestly, I’m more than a bit overwhelmed.  I thought today would end with me as a horrifically injured patient facing a doubtful future.  Instead, I’m alive and healthy - but on a planet in another quadrant of the galaxy in another time.  It boggles the mind.”

“And before you ask,” he continued.  “I did get a clean bill of health from Doc Pollard.  She found only extremely minute traces of radiation in my system.  Nothing to be concerned about.  Although she will keep monitoring just to be sure.  You guys did a great job is getting the force fields established quickly.”

“That was all Michael and Paul.  You can thank them.”

“Believe me, I have.  Many times.”

“I hate to ask, but are you feeling guilty about escaping the fate you sealed on Boreth?”

“Absolutely not!  In my mind, voluntarily participating in the training cruise…despite knowing the personal consequences… more than fulfilled my obligation.  Besides, if I didn’t willingly board that time capsule, I think one of you would have knocked me out with a hypo spray and just shoved me into it.”  He laughed at the expression on Sylvia’s face.  “You’re not denying it.”

“All I can say is that a good Starfleet officer is always prepared for any situation.” Sylvia responded with a shrug.  “So, what else is going through that mind of yours?  Are you sad about everything and everyone you’ve left behind?”

Chris shook his head.  “No, not really.  Sure, I’ll miss our friends like Spock, Una and Phil.  But with all our scattered duty postings, we hardly got to see each other.  With mom gone, there wasn’t really anybody else that I left behind.”  June had suddenly passed away a few years ago and they were all still mourning her loss.  “I do feel bad about taking you away from your mom, now that that the two of you are finally getting along.”

“In the overall scheme of things, that’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make.  I did leave her a goodbye message that was sufficiently cryptic and will drive her crazy.”    

Chris smiled.  While Siobhan had become much more accepting and supportive of Sylvia, she still drove her insane at times and Sylvia enjoyed returning the favor.

“Both Michael and Paul assured me this would be a good place for the twins to grow up.  As much as I wanted to rescue you, I wouldn’t have agreed to it otherwise.”

“I know you wouldn’t have.”  Chris reassured Sylvia as he took her into his arms.  “You’re a great mom.”  Sylvia blushed even though Chris spoke the truth.  The negative experiences she’d had with her mother sometime caused Sylvia to be a bit insecure in her own parenting abilities. 

They stood there quietly for a moment, wrapped in each other’s arms enjoying the view of the unfamiliar night sky. 

“Okay Chris.”  Sylvia said, pulling his face down to look her in the eye.  “I’m tired of playing 20 questions.  We’ve gone through all the items that are NOT bothering you.  What’s really going on with you?”

Chris hesitated for a moment before finally blurting it out.  “I’m scared this is just an illusion conjured up by my mind in response to the trauma.  That my radiation devastated body is really trapped in that bloody chair in the hospital back on earth.”

“Chris, I don’t know how to prove to you this is real.  But it is.  Our friends went through a lot of effort to make this rescue happen.  If it reassures you, they’d be happy to go over the technical details with you tomorrow.  Or I can just demonstrate it to you in other ways.” Sylvia said as she pulled him in for a searing kiss.  “I’ve got to believe that’s more powerful than any illusion!”

He smiled as he eagerly kissed her back.  He let her take him by the hand and lead him back indoors and into their new bedroom.

He couldn’t be 100% sure that this was real.  Hopefully, in time, he would gain that confidence.  All he could do was not waste any of the second chance he’d been given.  To be a wonderful husband to Sylvia.  To be an active and loving father to Michelle and Robert (and any other children they might have).  To be reunited with the Discovery crew and get to know them as just Chris.  To be a member of this community without having to hide behind the Captain’s mask.

With Sylvia and his family beside him, he knew he could face whatever the future had in store.

 

The end


End file.
